September 2004 / May 2009

You may wonder what these two dates have in common. Actually, there are two things...Disney World and 4 Him/Marty Magehee. In September 2004, I found myself in Cosmic Ray's in Disney World listening to 4 Him sing. It was a dream come true for me...my favorite group in my favorite place. It felt like we had to move heaven and earth to get there. We drove through the outer parts of a hurricane on our way down to Orlando. I had been through several miscarriages at the time and had just finished a failed fertility cycle...I needed the happiness. It was in the midst of 4 Him's singing and sharing that the song "Even If" was birthed. I was listening to Kirk share about current events and how God was still on the throne "even if." God gently spoke to my heart, "Even if you never have a living child, will you still serve me?" I thought about it; it was a big blow to my heart's desire. I answered Him that I would...even if. I would serve Him no matter what. I will share the words to the song only because it's already copyrighted : )

1. Even if the sun refuses to shine in my life, Even if
The laughter is buried away deep inside, Even if
I can't seem to reach You, my heart needs to feel You,
I know You are there by my side.
In my heart I've determined to worship, Even if.

2. Even if my joy doesn't come till I've cried through the night, Even if
I don't understand how You're working in my life, Even if
I'm needing Your power, it's in every hour I find You with arms open wide.
In my heart I've determined to love You, Even if.

B. Lord, You are my strength, my hiding place.
I'm sheltered in Your hand, within Your grace.
And though my plans may come undone
Lord, You're still my treasured One.
And in my heart I've determined to praise You, Even if.

3. Even if my dreams are fragments and pieces, You still reign. Even if
I'm weary and tired of the waiting, You're still King, Even if
The battle is raging, the struggle I'm facing is nothing compared to Your might
In my heart, I've determined to trust You,
In my heart, I've determined to love You,
In my heart, I've determined to praise You....
Even if.

In May 2009, I found myself on vacation in Orlando with my husband and two children. Not only did we get to run through the streets of the Magic Kingdom, we also attended a Marty Magehee concert. Tears started streaming down my face as I walked toward the concert stage. I was visiting my favorite place on earth, I got to hear my favorite singer, and I had my two miracles with me! Marty mentioned something about the fulfillment of God's promises, and I get to visibly see His fulfillment daily, in two little sets of bright blue eyes. A mere 5 years ago, I was a mommy in mourning; and today my life is filled with diapers and storytimes, princess dresses and tadpoles. I am sure that there will be times in my life that I will have to restate the words to "even if," but I can do so with the knowledge that God has been SO faithful in the past and will continue to be in the present and future. I thank Him for filling my eyes with the wonder of my child's amazement and for filling my ears with the music that I had wanted to hear for years.

Job 8:21 "Till he fill thy mouth with laughing, and thy lips with rejoicing." ~ and He has!

Noly & Jule with Mickey & Minnie

The kids & I with Marty Magehee