Friday, April 24, 2009

God is Pretty Cool

So, God did something so entirely cool for me today. Kevin took Jule in to be assessed for surgery on Monday, and they said they will not intubate! They will just use a face mask like they did for his tubes! That brought me such relief. My anxiety over his little trachea and anything involving much risk had me reeling. I have been nearly a basket case since his 911 incident, and having him put under for surgery was scaring me so much. This definitely lifted a huge weight for me, and I feel at ease about him going into surgery now. Maybe I will be able to stop taking valium every day next week?!

Thank You, God. You know what I need...what my mommy's heart needs.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jule's Surgery

Jule is scheduled to have surgery on Monday. They will sedate him, give him a spinal and then perform the circumcision. I admit that I'm a tad panicky because this type of sedation is different than when he had ear tubes. That was just sedation with a mask...this is "real" sedation. There is no reason to believe that he should have problems, but still, he's my baby and I worry!

Noly sat at the table coloring for about 20 straight minutes last night. Jule had been very fussy, and I was trying to make him happy and hadn't noticed how quiet she was being. I asked her to show me what she was doing, and she showed me the picture. She was coloring IN THE LINES! I was shocked! After I put Jule to bed, I sat with her and watched her color. It took her forever because she was being ever-so-careful to avoid going outside the lines. She would give me the marker to take a turn, but she would quickly take it back and do it herself because I was "coloring too fast" and I was not "covering all the white spots with color." She's truly amazing!

When I put her to bed, I only realized that I had forgotten to put a bedtime diaper on her when I heard her get up to use the bathroom. I ran upstairs with a diaper and was so glad that we weren't waking up in the morning to a soaking wet Noly! In the process, Jule woke up. So, I got her back in bed, and after a half hour of letting him CIO, I got him up. I have no idea what was wrong. He stared at me and smiled once he settled down, and he played with the TV remote for a good hour. I finally got him back down around 9, and he went right to sleep without protest.

Oh yeah, the first time I put him to bed (around 7), I repeated our nightly routine. "Tell Noly night, night. It's time for bed." To our surprise, he said, "nah, nah." He then proceeded to cry because he HATES going to bed. I couldn't believe he had understanding of what was happening! I forget how quickly they learn and grasp what is going on. What I don't forget is how quickly they grow up and want to do everything for themselves. So, I popped a Valium and sat on the floor and tried to enjoy the sweet time with my baby WHILE he's still a baby. Maybe once I'm only working half-time, it will be easier to enjoy the moments when we do nothing but play. There won't be so many pressing things that HAVE to be done with such little time to do them. August 1st, here I come!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'm Not A Good Blogger!!!

It has been 20 days since I updated. Everything just gets too busy for me to even think about it. It looks like I will be starting to work part-time in August. Our babysitter gave us a year's notice that she will be retiring after 28 years, and I really feel like it would be better for the kids if I was home at least half of the work week. Working 20 hours will allow me to keep my insurance and benefits, so I'm hoping everything works out as planned.

Jule had another croup episode where he was struggling to breathe on 4/13. The same thing started happening that happened in December except that Jule was not retracting. He was struggling to take breaths in and trying to cry because it was scary. I called our nurse on call becuase the nurse in the hospital in December said to try the nurse on call before 911. The nurse on call immediately told me to hang up and call 911. So, again, Jule got an ambulance ride to the ER. This time, his breathing improved after two breathing treatments. I was glad he didn't have to be admitted.

I took him to the Ped the next morning when his breathing sounded bad when he woke up. The Ped diagnosed him with tracheomalacia, which is basically a floppy trachea. This is something that is aggravated by his severe reflux, and like his reflux, he will just have to outgrow it. In the mean time, there may be more 911 calls as he will be very susceptible to croup and the related breathing difficulties.

All of this information sent me into a tailspin, and I've been nothing short of a mess ever since. I've been having nightmares about having to call an ambulance and Jule struggling to breathe. Every time he coughs at night, I jump awake and listen to make sure he's breathing fine. I do ok during the day because the night is when it happens. Mornings have become very hard because I'm trying to recover from what I've seen in my nightmares. So, last night, I took a valium around 8:00, and I didn't have any nightmares. I slept peacefully. Jule slept well and only coughed around 5 AM instead of from 2-5. Maybe I will feel more at peace in a couple of weeks.

My mom is coming to visit all of next week, so that will at least make evenings easier for me with an extra set of hands. AND I know that Noly will get tons of extra love and attention, which will make me feel better. Poor girl is becoming so independent and Jule is SO dependent that she gets the short end of the attention stick sometimes. Last night, I let her stay up late so we could sit and read books together. It was so nice to spend some relaxing time alone with her. We took turns finding items in some "Search and Explore" books. And she thought it was hilarious that she knew her colors better than Mommy did ; )

Noly is completely potty trained. She only needs a diaper at night. She knows all of her letters by sight and is learning the sounds of some of them. She knows that M is for Mommy, and I'm teaching her that G is for Grammy. Sometimes, she amazes me with the things she knows that I know I didn't teach her.

Jule is trying desperately to crawl. He would rather walk, but he is WAY too unsteady yet. His favorite thing to do is to hold your hands and stand up. He squeals with delight when you let him do that! He is fitting into some 24 month clothes at 9 months...so big. He and Noly are becoming friends at times, and she is getting annoyed with him more and more as he creeps into her world. She has no idea what she's in for! I know because I remember my little brother...poor Noly : )

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

He Calls Me By Name

Someone on FB asked me today where I got my kids' names from. I answered them, and this verse came to mind: Isaiah 43:1 "But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. " I thought about how "I" named my kids and how their names have such meaning to me...special meaning. How much more so is my "name" special to God. He has called me by my name! I am His...just as Noly & Jule are mine in an earthly sense.

I am so bad about blogging...I either forget or don't have the time. Jule is trying to crawl. He gets up on all fours and rocks back and forth, or he throws himself forward right onto his face. Then, he cries for a second. He knows what he wants to do, but he can't quite figure out how to do it. Noly shows him how : )

Noly is potty trained!!! Yay, Noly! My always-growing girl has informed me that she is not my baby, nor is she my little girl. She is my Big Girl! I can't argue with her on that one! She is a delight and is so helpful.

I don't know yet about the staying at home thing. I'm still praying about it. Our massive doctor bills without this nice State Insurance would scare me. I'll keep praying. He'll make it clear.