November 26, 2007

I will always remember this day as the day I got my miracle BFP! It was 3:30 in the morning, and I had only slept an hour. I knew that insomnia was one of the first signs of pregnancy for me, so I decided to test at only 9 dpo. It was a very clear positive, and the rest is history. My chubby baby boy is now in our home! It was the fulfillment of a word God spoke to me when I was 14..."you will have a son." What a joy and delight he is to Kevin and I. I cherish 11/26/07.

I find it hilarious that, today, he decided to roll over for the first time. He was in his bed asleep on his tummy when I woke up. I looked at him as I was getting ready to walk out the door, and he was still asleep on his tummy. I went to grab something from the computer desk and heard him making noise, so I looked at him on the monitor, and he was on his back...happy as can be. I told Kevin he rolled over, and we both watched the monitor in excitement. This is just one step toward his esophagal muscle developing...as he gains more muscle control, he will get better and better. Now, we just have to teach him to roll from his back to his tummy so he can get to sleep at night when he rolls onto his back ; )

A Short Work Week

I'm so thankful to have a 3-day work week this week! It allows me to have time to put up the tree with Noly! I think she is going to be so excited to help me hang the ornaments. I really don't think I should put the presents under it because I think it may be too tempting for her.

We had a nice time with Mom last weekend. She was able to enjoy both kids, and Noly was pretty content to play with whoever was not holding Jule. We tried to switch off so that Mom could get time with both of them. Noly was crying yesterday morning when she woke up and realized that her grammy was gone. It was too early to wake her up to say goodbye.

It's all over the news that MUSC is laying off and doing furloughs. Right now, we are happy to be doing furloughs in our area. It is so much better than not having a job. I'm totally happy to sacrifice 4 days without pay in order to prevent layoffs right now. I do think it is going to get worse and that layoffs will be in the future, but for now, everyone in our area still has their job.

Jule is doing excellent! He is mainly happy most of the time. He is such a content baby when he feels good and still watches me wherever I go. He's just a little in love. We started giving him lunch yesterday since he was drinking a 6-oz bottle almost every hour and a half all day Sunday. I think we'll increase his breakfast to include some oatmeal if he's still that hungry since it won't constipate him like rice cereal does.

I'm loving Thanksgiving more than I ever have for one reason...handmade turkeys. Everywhere Noly goes, she is making turkeys with her hand print. How I LOVE seeing that little handprint and having the current size of her hands captured on paper. You can be certain that I will be saving those crafts. She is getting so mature, though she's still not potty training. In fact, she pooped in the tub Saturday morning and didn't care at all! We had to get her out of her tub, and I bathed her again in our tub while Kevin's cleaned the other one. It was so gross! I was really surprised that she didn't care.

Here is a picture from this weekend of both of the kids:

Mom Arrives Today

At 9:40, I'm going to leave to pick up my mom from the airport. I'm going to get Noly on the way so that she can see her Grammy come in on an airplane. Then, I'll take them both back to the house so they can spend some quality time together, and I will come back to work. I ended up getting slight food poisoning from the bagel place Kathleen and I had lunch at yesterday, so I'm not feeling terrific, but I'm ok.

Poor Noly was a mess when she got home last night. Her nose was running all over, she was wheezing, and she said her head hurt. Per the nurse, I gave her Benadryl instead of cough medicine, and it really helped her wheezing and coughing...very odd. I gave her motrin for her head, and we put a humidifier by her rocker and had her watch a movie. She was doing much better within an hour. This morning, her wheezing had significantly improved! Jule is still just stuffy, which is great! He was VERY fussy last night from about 8:30 until close to 10:30, but he was pleasant for the first part of the evening. He's been faithfully taking naps right when we get home at 4, and I think it has improved his evening mood : )

I think we're having a little Thanksgiving feast here at work this afternoon. I hope I can eat it!

A Song & Thanking God

I am happy to report that Jule, while very congested and coughing from sinus drainage, has absolutely no wheezing or breathing difficulty. He has been a happy little guy for three days now. He had a rough afternoon for Brenda yesterday, but he was fine all evening at home. Kathleen came to help me with the kids since Kevin was out of town, and she said she missed him already this morning...unusual with Jule!!! He's becoming this delightful, happy-go-lucky baby, and I SO hope he stays that way!

Noly had a rough night. She acted like she felt ok through the evening, but once she was in bed, she could not sleep because she was coughing so much. She was also wheezing quite a bit. I steamed up the bathroom with a hot shower before I drew their bath so that they took a bath in a steamy bathroom. Then, I turned on the humidifier in her room. I also gave her some cough medicine. Nothing seemed to help the wheezing or the coughing. Finally, when she wasn't sleeping by 9:45, I put her in bed with me. She fell asleep within a half hour but was waking me up coughing, so I carried her to her own bed. By 11, we were all sleeping. Jule was coughing at 5 this morning, but it didn't wake him up. When I got Noly up this morning, I asked her how she was feeling because I could hear her wheezing. She said, "I fine. Sick all gone." She was her usual spunky self this morning, so maybe she is feeling better but has a lingering cough and wheezing? I'm glad she's happy : )

A song started brewing this morning that I think will be called "Thank You." While I was getting ready for work and getting the kids ready, I would stop and jot down the words I was getting on our Comcast bill. I had a minute to find the notes on the piano quickly so I wouldn't forget what I had so far. Noly was incredibly helpful with that ; ) It feels like everything keeps coming back to thanking God in every circumstance. Jeff Litchenberg had something about it in his Facebook status, KaRena's message that I listened to online was about thanking God...and to top it off, Thanksgiving is only a week away from today. It is also coupled with trusting in God's promises to us and thanking Him for them. I wish I could post what I have so far, but that would be unwise due to copyright issues. God has truly poured blessings over my life, like a sweet falling rain.

God,
Thank You for your power and Your might and Your unfailing love. Thank You for Your favor over our lives. Thank You for calling us Your children and blessing us with children and for taking delight in us as Your children. Thank You for surrounding us on every side. Thank you for listening to me even more attentively than I listen to my children when they are sick. Thank You for Your faithfulness that extends to many generations. Thank You for meeting my needs before I even know I have them. Thank You for this day, and may it be used for Your glory....Amen.

The Dreaded RSV

And so it begins....both kids have RSV : ( Noly went in, and the nurse could hear the wheezing. So, they checked her oxygen level...95% (wanted 100%, but would be satisfied with 90%). They also swabbed both of her nostrils, which she tolerated with her bottom lip poking out. Dr. C came back in and said she does have RSV. We didn't take Jule in because we didn't want to expose him to anything else, and we knew he had whatever she had. Dr. C said that they could go to the babysitter's if they didn't have fevers, diarrhea or vomiting, which they hadn't. I spoke with the babysitter to see what she was comfortable with, and she agreed with the doctor. So, Jule is there today. Noly had a rough night, coughing every 10 minutes even with cough medicine, so I let her sleep in and kept an eye on her when she got up. She seemed to be wheezing less than yesterday but coughing more, and she didn't have a fever, so I sent her to Kevin's mom for the day.

We had an absolute blast together yesterday. It was just Noly and I from 12:30 until 4:30. We put on our flannel jammies, ate Chick-Fil-A, watched Diego, and then I told her she could take a nap with me. I told her I had a surprise for her (thinking my flannel Star Wars sheets were in the closet). Oops, they must still be packed up in the garage. Since I had already told her I had a surprise, I gave her a Christmas present early. She was only getting two, so now she'll only get one...she won't care. It was a Little People Camping set. We played with it for awhile, then we took a nap in "Mommy's Big Bed." It was so nice to spend some alone time with her and give her some undivided attention. She just hasn't had much of that since Jule was born.

Kevin picked up Jule and brought him home around 4:30 so I wouldn't have to wake Noly up from a nap to go get Jule. He was a tad stuffy but was in a good mood overall. Monday, he was absolutely delightful. Last night, he was just a tad fussy for a short time, but he was happy in general. Both nights, he's been in bed by 8:30! He was laughing hysterically at Noly last night as she rang the bell on his exersaucer. This morning, he woke up VERY stuffy and was coughing because of sinus drainage. So far, he's not showing any signs of respiratory problems. He's about 2 days behind Noly on this, so I'll be watching him closely tonight and tomorrow. I find myself freaking out off and on, but I have to remember that God has a plan for him and will keep him safe.

Kevin left today to go out of town and won't be back until after bedtime tomorrow night, so that means I have two nights alone with two kids with RSV...not a pleasant thought. I was listening to a sermon online about thanking God, and one thing that hit me was to find the blessing in all situations. I am thankful to God that my babies even exist, and I am thankful that they are healthy enough to not be in the hospital right now. I am thankful that I know He has His angels surrounding them, and that nothing can touch them that doesn't first have to go through Him. We'll make it through these next two nights. It might take an Ativan or two, but we'll make it : )

Matthew 6

Noly has had a stuffy nose since Friday. I didn't think anything of it until she woke up today wheezing and barky-coughing. It is all-to-familiar to me. I could be wrong, but this is exactly what happened when she had RSV in January 2007. I'm not overly nervous about her because she is 3 and is strong and healthy. I'm worried about Jule getting it. I don't know how strong his lungs are at this point in his life. He appears to be a very healthy boy if you go by weight, but that does not reflect the strength of his lungs.

As I started to get panicy, I looked up a verse that came to my mind. I looked up "take no thought" because it's not anyone else but God that is in control of this whole situation. The entire chapter of Matthew 6 is so comforting. It's basically saying, "Don't worry about it. God has everything completely under control." It's hard not to worry, especially when it involves your children. I do know that God brought Jule here through numerous difficulties, and He is fully capable of sustaining his life...EVEN IF he ends up in the hospital...God still has him in His hand.

As I was reading, I also thought about the economic difficulties everyone is experiencing. Even Focus on the Family is having to lay off employees. If you think about it too much, your head will start spinning...everything seems to be piling on top of each other. But again, God is in control of it all, and all we can do is be faithful with what He gives us...no matter how much or how little. We can't serve two masters, and God will take care of those who serve him. I think it's normal to be worried about money at a time like this, but if it overtakes our lives or our trust in God, then we are truly serving money and not Him. Any worry is like that. I don't want to serve my worries. So, I'm giving the lives and health of my babies over to Him, knowing He created them in the first place and will guard what I have entrusted to Him.

A Sacrifice of Thanksgiving

I got sucked into a blog today. It is written by a woman who found out that her baby's heart had formed outside of her little body at her 11 week ultrasound. She made a choice to carry the baby to term, and the baby was born recently and did not survive. It broke my heart. Now, I have a dual monitor at work, and I was reading the blog on one side while Jule's sweet smile stared at me from the other. It made me feel so grateful that he is here...basically healthy and full of life. With all the fertility and pregnancy complications we had, we have two living children to show for it...and it is all by the Grace of God!

I know that I am human and that those feelings will dim as I'm attempting to comfort my screaming child in the 3rd hour of a 9-hour crying marathon. It's not that I don't love him, and it's not that I'm ungrateful for him at times like that, but it is HARD to FEEL joyful and thankful in those moments. My heart beats for him, but the screaming tests me to what feels beyond my human ability to cope.

I decided to look up "thanksgiving" in the Bible, and I noticed that there are a number of times that it is coupled with the word "sacrifice." So, obviously, it's not always easy to be thankful. What is important is that we offer the sacrifice in the times that it is not easy. It can be coupled with a "sacrifice of praise." It is so important to not let our feelings rule us because they are just that...feelings. They are so undependable and fleeting. Our choice to sacrifice in the hard times will not go unnoticed in God's eyes. It is so easy to praise Him and thank Him when things are going well, when the economy is flourishing, when our children are happy, when things are going the way we want them to...of course our feelings are going to comply. It is a whole different matter to praise and thank Him when we are in a seeming bottomless pit, when all we want to do is cry our eyes out. I believe that, in that sacrifice, His hand is reaching to us to hold us, to lift us up.

It is my goal to always, always be thankful for what God has given me and to also thank Him in every situation. I don't have to thank Him FOR every situation, but I can be thankful IN every situation.

I Thessalonians 5:18 "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Exhaustion Monday

It always seems like I am exhausted on Mondays. I think I do more at home on the weekends than I do at work during the week. I've been trying to do a load of our laundry after a load of Jule's on weeknights so that it isn't all piled up by the weekend. It does help, but it's hard to find time to fold and put clean clothes away once they are done. I have to do Jule's every night due to the massive amount of spit-up that he produces daily.

I got my hair done with a ton of pink highlights on Saturday, then I went to the Outlets to get Jule some clothes for Christmas from Kevin's mom. I found outifts at Gymbo, Children's Place and Gap. My favorite outfit is from Gap.

I have some ironing that I did not get to last night that I need to do tonight, but I think that is all I didn't get finished this weekend. I sent Brenda a whole can of formula so that I won't have to spend time in the evenings measuring out formula for the next day. I also sent her Jule's baby food for the whole week. I'm trying hard to think of ways to cut down on what I do to make it easier. I also moved his daily things from a big diaper bag to his Buzz Lightyear backpack so it's easier to carry in the mornings. I'm starting to feel like I'm going to blink and he'll be as big as Noly. I just wish I could enjoy this age more. I try to embrace the happy moments he has and the milestones he reaches so that they overshadow the crying. Soon, he'll be running all over the house like Noly and we'll have to put the gates back on the stairs!

Overwhelmed

I'm in a state of feeling overwhelmed again...have been since Tuesday. It seems that when I get more than one night alone with the kids, I spiral downward. This week, I was alone with them Tues, Wed and Thurs. Today, I'm finding myself in tears again and desparately needing an Ativan and a break. I'm going to get my hair done tomorrow morning, and I told Kevin I'm going to the outlets afterwards because I've had way too much time at home alone with the kids. I need me time so that I can do the non-me time successfully. It's kind-of like putting your oxygen mask on when you're on an airplane before your child's. It seems counterintuitive, but if you can't breathe, you can't very well put the mask on your child. I feel like I'm smothered and suffocating. I so wish Jule was a normal, happy baby, but I can't change what he is like right now. I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of, and it's just not good enough.

My mom may be flying in for Jule's dedication next weekend. It will be nice to have her help and for her to see the kids. She will be here Friday through Monday if she comes. Jule wasn't smiling much when we were in Indiana, so she will love seeing how much he smiles now...even if it's not often, his smiles are huge and contagious! Noly has matured so much and understands so much more than she did only a few months ago. I plan to take her to the airport to pick up my mom if she comes. Won't Noly be thrilled! She is old enough now to understand that Grammy & Papa live far away and have to fly in an airplane. She does not know...yet...that you can also drive for a long, long time. She'll learn about that in December.

Oh, sweet Jule, please start feeling better soon so you can become the easy, happy baby that I see underneath the screaming.

A New Idea

Last night, when I got to Brenda's, Jule was so tired. We ended up with the usual on the way home...him crying any time the car stopped, then he fell asleep when we were 1\4 mile from home. When I carried him in, he woke right up. This is our daily routine. Well, last night, I decided to take him straight up to his room and put him in the swing to help him sleep. He went to sleep in minutes and took a nice nap. Then, he was happier when he got up. Obviously, this is not the solution to his screaming episodes, but it could really help him taking his evening nap at 6 PM then staying awake until 9:30/10:00. He was fussy by the time 6:15 rolled around, but I was able to keep him awake until he took his bottle at 7:30. He fell asleep while I burped him and was in bed by 8. I was asleep by 8:45. Maybe this routine will help us at least get him to bed earlier?

Both of the kids woke up earlier than usual this morning, so I spent a lot of time with them before work. I put Noly's "Big Sister" shirt on her and Jule's "Baby Brother" shirt on him. Noly was so excited to show Brenda the shirt this morning. I hope I remember to get a pic of them together in their shirts before I change their clothes tonight. I got a few with Noly talking to Jule this morning, but she had a sweater on over her shirt.

Kevin is coming home tonight! Woo-hoo! This week difficult for me to survive. I ended up taking Ativan both nights that he was out. Noly was crying while she walked up the stairs this morning because she wanted her daddy. I think it was because my hands were full with Jule, and I could not hold her hand. When I carry him on the stairs, he's pretty much all I can handle because he's so big and and his movements are so unpredictable.

In two weeks from now, I will be having a 4-day weekend!!!

I Wish I Could Make It Stop....

all the crying. I had such an awesome day off yesterday. I cleaned, wrapped presents and took a 3-hour nap. I thought the evening would be a breeze because it was such a relaxing day, but it only took minutes of Jule screaming for me to get very stressed out. Nothing I did made him happy, and I still have no idea what was wrong. Noly got all upset and started crying for her daddy, and that just made it all the worse. I took an Ativan, but I have no idea if it helped or not. After bathtime, Jule took an hour nap, and I was able to sit on the floor and play with Noly for awhile and get her into bed without trying to hurry while he screamed. I just need to hang in there for two more weeks, then I will have a 4-day weekend with Kevin home the whole time...just 14 more days. I'm really hoping that Jule is happy tonight and that it's a very low-key evening.

I'm looking forward to going to Indiana for Christmas this year. Hopefully, if we drive mostly at night, the kids will sleep a majority of the 15-hour trip. I think Noly will do much better at sleeping in the car now. At least she will understand time a little more and will be able to entertain herself more when she is awake. I have no idea what Jule will do. Our first drive to Indiana with Noly was when she was 14 months. I wonder what she will think of the snow. I would like to take her sledding. I'd also love to go skiing if we get the chance. I know we have 3 Christmas parties to go to, so I'm not sure we'll have the time. Finding someone to watch the kids there is not nearly as difficult as it is here.

Oh, I found out that baby dedication is November 22/23, so I scheduled Jule to be dedicated at the Saturday service. I can't wait! I need to find him an outfit to wear!

What a Weekend!

I am so tired that this is probably going to be very scattered...

The weekend services were amazing! We had a guest speaker, Adrian de Visser, from Sri Lanka. He has such a sweet spirit, and I enjoyed listening to what was in his heart to share. His son, Prashan, sang with us, and we had such an awesome time of praise and worship. Adrian shared how he and his wife, Opheila, had been told that they could not have children. So, he went to the ocean and wept. At the ocean, God told him to stop crying because he would have children. I think he said Prashan was born a year later, then they had a daughter. I asked Prashan to pray over Jule because it was so special to me that he was a miracle birth just as Jule was.

Ann was awesome this weekend at helping me find a part on "Let the Worshippers Arise." I'm hoping to learn more parts in the future and steer away from always singing the melody. Today, I am completely exhausted, but it was so worth it.

Jule was a nightmare for Kevin on Saturday. It just happened to be a day that he was not happy at all. He ended up screaming for 9.5 hours with very minimal breaks in between. I took him to church with me on Sunday morning so that Kevin could have a break, and he was totally fine. I wish we could figure out what makes him scream on his bad days.

Kevin spent Sunday playing with Noly. Then, at 3, he took her to Chuck E. Cheese for Keith's birthday party. She had a great time! I stayed home because Jule was napping, and he ended up napping for 3 hours! He would wake up and scream intermittently but was quickly calmed right back to sleep. After the birthday party, I gave Noly a bath and spent some time playing with her. I really enjoy sitting down and playing with her and experiencing her budding imagination.

Since our weekend was so busy, we need to get groceries tonight...that's usually a weekend task. Other than that, I plan to go to bed as early as possible. The laundry is all caught up except for the nightly "Jule's spit-up" load. I think there are enough clean bottles that we can skip the dishwasher for tonight. Ohhhh...how I long for sleep!!!

Yet Another Cold....

I can't believe I have another cold. This is the second one since Jule was born, and he's only 4 months old...in fact, we have all had 2 colds since his birth. Hey, at least I can't smell the stinky diapers! I have been smelling poopy diapers for Kevin all week, so now it's his turn to be my nose : )

I think I'm ready for tomorrow. I'm familiar enough with most of the songs, and the words will be up in case I forget. The only problem is that I'm terribly stuffed up, so I probably won't be able to sing all that well. I have to do as much laundry as possible tonight because I'll be away from home from 1-7 on Saturday, then from 7:30-1:30 on Sunday. Then, we are going to Keith's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese at 3 on Sunday. I'm glad I got a lot of cleaning done last weekend, so I can just keep up with the laundry and the dishes.

Kevin's parents are going to keep Noly tomorrow so that Kevin can just watch Jule. Hopefully, Jule will have a good day tomorrow! He is doing so much better than he was! He seems to keep more of his bottles down these days unless he's even slighly constipated. Then, it's fountains of spit-up everywhere. I sent prunes to Brenda's for him today, so hopefully he will have already gone when I get there to pick him up.

I was thinking about Jule's birth today. It still drives me crazy that I didn't get to hold him before he went to the NICU. Two days is too long to wait to hold your new baby....two minutes is even a bit too long! Even now, if Kevin is taking the kids to Brenda's on a certain morning, I have to kiss him or hold him for a minute before they leave....or sometimes just running my fingers through his little curly head of hair will do...how I love those curls!

Noly was crying in bed last night, so I went in to check on her. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "I miss you." I told her I missed her too, but it was time to go to sleep so she could wake up and play tomorrow. I gave her a hug, and she would barely let go of me. She has such a sweet, sensitive little heart. I just love her sweetness!

Singing After A Year

It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since I sang at church! Today, I have been preparing by listening to the songs while I work. I'm sure there has been worship music pouring out into our common area, but nobody seems to mind. They all know I sing...I'm the only accountant I know with pink hair : ) My favorite for this weekend is "Jesus Paid It All" by David Crowder Band. I guess it's an old hymn, so I'm surprised I had not heard it before. Growing up in church, I can probably recite almost any hymn by memory. I love the way some of the new artists are revamping old hymns...very cool!

I went to the Outlets during my lunch because I was needing some jeans that fit. I was able to buy 2 pair of Lucky Brand jeans for $99 with some coupons and specials they were having. If I had bought them at regular price, it would have cost me $260, and I wouldn't have paid that much. I also found Noly an "I'm a big sister" t-shirt and found Jule a "Baby Brother" shirt at the Children's Place. They have pretty good prices.

Jule is talking away now! He cooed and jabbered all the way to Brenda's this morning. I kept putting my cell phone on record and holding it over the back seat, but he would stop every time. He was probably looking at the phone. I have several of my rings set to Noly giggling, crying or talking. I want to get some of him at this stage. He is saying, "goo" and "mamamama," not purposefully, I'm sure.

I'll finish with these words today..."Oh, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!"

Obama won....

Ugh! It wasn't what I wanted to hear when I turned on Fox News this morning, but it was what I was expecting to hear. I just had a feeling. I grieve because I believe that America is in for an even further moral decline. The economy and money, they are only temporary things...necessary, yes, but temporary. Morality...well, that's more of an eternal issue. And God, being holy, cannot bless immorality...it would be against His very nature. I am very sad and partially speechless, so I guess I don't have much to blog at this time.

Noly loved trick-or-treating. She was really tired after we finished rounds in our neighborhood and did not want to go to Mr. Jimmy & Miss Jane's. I asked her if it would be ok if we stopped at Dr. C's house too. Dr. C is her Pediatrician that she absolutely has a crush on. It is so adorable! She jumped at the chance. Unfortunately, he wasn't home and neither were Mr. Jimmy & Miss Jane. She got to eat some of her candy, but I ended up throwing most of it away when she went to bed.

Jule did wonderful until Sunday. He fussed off and on the whole day and evening on Sunday...not sure why. Last night, he had a blowout on both ends and ended up being extremely happy after that. He seems so happy once he's empty but not yet hungry. I love hearing him coo and love the way he follows me with his eyes no matter where I go. He adores Noly and spends a lot of his time at Brenda's watching her.

I hope the next four years are not too bad for my two little ones!