I've been reading through Genesis lately. I'm trying to read all the way through the Bible even if it takes me more than a year, so I just keep track of where I've read. There are some things about the story of Joseph that I never thought about before. It's funny how you can hear a story over and over, and one time something just about knocks you over!
When Joseph's brothers came to him in Egypt and did not know who he was, it doesn't seem like his first feelings toward them even remotely resembled anger. Even after they sold him as a slave, he had to fight back tears upon seeing them again. I'm not sure that I would be that forgiving ; ) He told them that what they intended to do to destroy him was part of God's plan for the future...pretty astounding if you ask me!
The other part that I had not noticed before was how God provided for what Egypt needed during a time of great famine. There came a point when all of the people still needed food but had no more money to buy it. So, Joseph told them to bring their livestock to him in exchange for food. Joseph's brothers were now living in Egypt and it just so happened that they were professional shepherds. God knew the livestock would increase, and He provided just the right people necessary to tend the extra livestock.
It all makes me think about a couple of things. Even though we are going through tragic times, God will use the tragedy in the future to make something beautiful...to bring about His plan. What the enemy intends to destroy us, God WILL use it to further His purposes in our lives. I really wish I had not had 8 miscarriages, but I know I'm living in this fallen world where bad things will happen, and I know that God is using it to fulfill His big purposes for me. And if He will provide some of the best shepherds for the extra livestock of Egypt, He will provide what He knows I need...even before I know I need it. Only by His orchestration can the most beautiful music of my life be played. My orchestration would result in dissonant chords and untimely notes. Thank You, my Creator, for having Your purposes in mind for my life.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
A Day of Rest
Jule woke up today with some wheezing and rattling in his chest. He also has an icky cough and a low fever. So, he and I are staying home together. Kevin took Noly out to visit his parents so she could help them plant some flowers. We had planned on going to the Saturday night service at our old church because it's anniversary weekend, but I doubt I'll go with Jule being sick. If he's fine the rest of the day, we may still go to the picnic tomorrow.
My grandma in Indiana has been really sick for several weeks now, and that has been upsetting. She started out with a cold and hasn't been able to stop coughing. So, she hasn't been able to sleep or even cook their meals. My parents visited last night and said she finally is starting to sound better. I'm really anxious to see them at Christmas this year since we didn't make it up there last year. They haven't seen Jule since he was 9 weeks old! They kept Noly while my mom worked during the two weeks Noly visited Indiana in September, so they've seen a little bit of how she's changed.
Well, this is scattered because I'm typing, rescuing Mickey from being stuck inside a toy, typing, rescuing Mickey...you get the idea. I hope everyone has a good weekend!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Separation Anxiety
Well, I think Helene is correct. I think Jule is suffering from separation anxiety. When we put him to bed, he screams like he is being tortured, and he won't stop screaming until we go get him. Once we pick him up, he whimpers for a bit, then he plays very happily as close to us as he can get. He is also waking up numerous times in the night crying. I usually just let him cry as long as I can see that he is fine on the monitor. We did think he was teething, but that just doesn't seem to make as much sense as separation anxiety. I'm exhausted from him waking me up numerous times a night, but I don't think this will last for a very long time.
Noly is still very excited to be 4! She thinks she's so much bigger than 3-year-olds! Her new verse for Awana this week was "Give thanks to the Lord, Who made the great lights...sun, moon, and stars." I told Kevin I didn't know if she could learn that much, and by Tuesday, she knew it! I was amazed that she had the capacity to memorize that much at once! She is learning phonics by watching Leapfrog and by asking me constantly what each letter sounds like. I wonder if she'll be reading before she goes to school next year? I'm not pushing her because I don't want her to get bored in the 4's class, but I won't discourage her from learning either.
Our search for a new church is continues. I'm not going to get deep into it, but it doesn't look like the one we have been attending is going to work for us. We are planning to try our Pediatrician's church soon, but this weekend we'll be going to our old church for an Anniversary Picnic! I love those every year and am so excited to see my friends and for the kids to have a fun day outside! Imagine...a picnic with apx. 3,000 people! We usually eat before we go because of my egg allergy. I also decided to try to study for the CPA exam again. I have some time at work to fill, and I want to see if I can get all 4 sections in over the next 18 months. It should be easier now that I'm not pregnant!
That's us in a nutshell for now. I'm off to study.
Noly is still very excited to be 4! She thinks she's so much bigger than 3-year-olds! Her new verse for Awana this week was "Give thanks to the Lord, Who made the great lights...sun, moon, and stars." I told Kevin I didn't know if she could learn that much, and by Tuesday, she knew it! I was amazed that she had the capacity to memorize that much at once! She is learning phonics by watching Leapfrog and by asking me constantly what each letter sounds like. I wonder if she'll be reading before she goes to school next year? I'm not pushing her because I don't want her to get bored in the 4's class, but I won't discourage her from learning either.
Our search for a new church is continues. I'm not going to get deep into it, but it doesn't look like the one we have been attending is going to work for us. We are planning to try our Pediatrician's church soon, but this weekend we'll be going to our old church for an Anniversary Picnic! I love those every year and am so excited to see my friends and for the kids to have a fun day outside! Imagine...a picnic with apx. 3,000 people! We usually eat before we go because of my egg allergy. I also decided to try to study for the CPA exam again. I have some time at work to fill, and I want to see if I can get all 4 sections in over the next 18 months. It should be easier now that I'm not pregnant!
That's us in a nutshell for now. I'm off to study.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
A Day of Memory
Today is National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss. I am remembering Hannah Elizabeth (lost at 11 weeks), Payton Claire (lost at 8 weeks), and 6 other babies lost at 4 weeks. God has been good to us and has blessed us with two living, breathing children who we adore, but the memory of my losses will never fade away. The memories are less painful, but the pain is still there when I have the time to sit and think about it. I had hopes and dreams for each baby that was a part of my body. It is still fresh in my mind that I spent many nights curled up in a ball on the floor of an empty nursery weeping, and I know that there are many others who are in the same position. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost children, and my prayers are with you today. If you want to, please feel free to leave a comment in memory of the child/children you have lost.
I would not have made it through that time without the love of the One Who loves me completely and greatly. I know He saw every tear and heard every plea. And I know that my 8 children are now worshipping around His throne.
Psalm 56:8 "You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."
I would not have made it through that time without the love of the One Who loves me completely and greatly. I know He saw every tear and heard every plea. And I know that my 8 children are now worshipping around His throne.
Psalm 56:8 "You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
From 3 to 34 in One Night!
When I went in to wake Noly up this morning, I found her sitting on the side of her bed looking down at her legs. She said, "I not 4 yet." I said, "You are. Happy Birthday. You are 4 now!" She said, "But I not big like you." It was then that I realized that all of the times she said she would be "like me," she was quite literal. To her, 34 contains the number 4, so she was going to wake up this morning as big as I am. Thankfully, that is not the case! I told her it takes time to grow big, and that she is bigger because she is 4, but she will continue to grow.
Don't we think that way sometimes? We expect to become mature and perfect, Christ-like, overnight. Becoming like Him is such a process, and we fail so many times. I'm so glad He doesn't think, "You stupid kid...you should be grown by now." He also knows it's a process, and He is there to encourage us as we strive to be more like Him every day. I'm so glad God has patience as I learn and grow. If I could only get it into Noly's head that it will be many years before she is as tall as her mommy.
Don't we think that way sometimes? We expect to become mature and perfect, Christ-like, overnight. Becoming like Him is such a process, and we fail so many times. I'm so glad He doesn't think, "You stupid kid...you should be grown by now." He also knows it's a process, and He is there to encourage us as we strive to be more like Him every day. I'm so glad God has patience as I learn and grow. If I could only get it into Noly's head that it will be many years before she is as tall as her mommy.
Noly is Four Today!
Today is Noly's 4th Birthday! Happy Birthday, sweet Noly!
It was January 2005 when I began pumping my body full of these Invitro meds. I didn't even bother to count the numerous pills I had to take. I made an Excel spreadsheet complete with times of day to take each pill and whether to eat or to refrain from eating within two hours of it. I did count over 80-something shots that I had to give myself over the course of a few weeks. I filled the sharps container you see here and two additional containers before the cycle was over. I cried so many hormonally-induced tears that only God could count those. I also spent a lot of time at church worshipping and spent many times with people huddled around me in prayer.
Nine months later, on October 14, 2005, my prayers were answered:
Grammy with Noly ~ 2 Days Old
After years of infertility and 7 miscarriages in two years, God had given me the desire of my heart...a baby. Noly has been such a blessing in our lives. We didn't realize how much this little 5 lb. 6.6 oz. package could completely change us forever.
This morning, I got Jule out of bed so that he and I could wake her up with her present. She got a stuffed kitten, which she informed me made 10 stuffed cats. She has a bit of an obsession with cats but can never get a real one because Kevin and I are both very allergic. I hope she has an amazing day today because she's quite the amazing little girl!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Today
Today. I am happy to be at work. Today. I am so glad that my ears are not being subjected to continual screaming. Today. I have no parties to attend or throw, no invitations to dinner at a restaurant and no coupons to clip. I am enjoying the buzz of the computer as I sit in a building full of quiet accountants. Today.
It was a rough weekend. We went out to eat with Kevin's family at 6 pm, which happens to be an hour after our normal dinner time and an hour before Jule's bedtime. Jule screamed and crawled up and down me while we waited for Kevin's sister to get to the restaurant. She ended up being around an hour late, so we ordered our meal AT Jule's bedtime. By the time the food came, he was so tired and agitated that he would barely eat. He was only interested in the skin of my baked potato, and that was only for 10 minutes. When we got home, I quickly bathed both kids and put Jule to bed. He slept for 10 minutes then proceeded to scream as if he was being beaten. I got him up to see what was wrong, and he played happily. This happened off and on until midnight, and we think it must have been teething. He does this about once a month.
Saturday, we had a family birthday party for Noly at the park. We chose a park with nice rubber flooring so Jule could walk around. Nope. He didn't want to walk around. He wanted to fall to the ground and scream until I carried him around. And it had to be Mommy and Mommy only. Being not much over 100 lbs myself, I struggle to carry his 27-lb body very far at all, so I had to sit at the picnic tables. He pushed off of me, then cried when I put him down. We had driven separately, so I took him home early and gave him a wonderful 1-hour nap. He woke up from that screaming, and continued his fussiness the rest of the evening.
I made some kind of spicy TGI Friday's Skillet meal from the freezer, and the heartburn it caused could not be touched by any antacid in the house. One Prevacid, 3 t of Mylanta and 2 Pepto pills later, I was still doubled over in pain. So, I took an Ativan and finally fell asleep sometime after 1 am. By the time Sunday came, I was so past being ready to pull my hair out that I was actually waiting for Monday to get here. Thankfully, today has been much better. Work is rarely stressful and is very quiet, so I can gather my thoughts and eat an entire meal without getting up. I'm feeling overwhelmed at the thought of going home in 40 minutes, but at least Kevin will be home tonight to help with the kids. I really hope Jule finds some happiness tonight. If not, I'll just cover my ears and sing, "la,la,la,la,la...I'm not listening..." until Tuesday comes.
Happy Monday!
It was a rough weekend. We went out to eat with Kevin's family at 6 pm, which happens to be an hour after our normal dinner time and an hour before Jule's bedtime. Jule screamed and crawled up and down me while we waited for Kevin's sister to get to the restaurant. She ended up being around an hour late, so we ordered our meal AT Jule's bedtime. By the time the food came, he was so tired and agitated that he would barely eat. He was only interested in the skin of my baked potato, and that was only for 10 minutes. When we got home, I quickly bathed both kids and put Jule to bed. He slept for 10 minutes then proceeded to scream as if he was being beaten. I got him up to see what was wrong, and he played happily. This happened off and on until midnight, and we think it must have been teething. He does this about once a month.
Saturday, we had a family birthday party for Noly at the park. We chose a park with nice rubber flooring so Jule could walk around. Nope. He didn't want to walk around. He wanted to fall to the ground and scream until I carried him around. And it had to be Mommy and Mommy only. Being not much over 100 lbs myself, I struggle to carry his 27-lb body very far at all, so I had to sit at the picnic tables. He pushed off of me, then cried when I put him down. We had driven separately, so I took him home early and gave him a wonderful 1-hour nap. He woke up from that screaming, and continued his fussiness the rest of the evening.
I made some kind of spicy TGI Friday's Skillet meal from the freezer, and the heartburn it caused could not be touched by any antacid in the house. One Prevacid, 3 t of Mylanta and 2 Pepto pills later, I was still doubled over in pain. So, I took an Ativan and finally fell asleep sometime after 1 am. By the time Sunday came, I was so past being ready to pull my hair out that I was actually waiting for Monday to get here. Thankfully, today has been much better. Work is rarely stressful and is very quiet, so I can gather my thoughts and eat an entire meal without getting up. I'm feeling overwhelmed at the thought of going home in 40 minutes, but at least Kevin will be home tonight to help with the kids. I really hope Jule finds some happiness tonight. If not, I'll just cover my ears and sing, "la,la,la,la,la...I'm not listening..." until Tuesday comes.
Happy Monday!
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