A Little History

In some of my upcoming posts, I plan to share some of my journey with infertility and miscarriage. It just depends on when I can find extra time.

I'll start with my first husband: August 6, 1994, I married my college sweetheart. We met at a Christian college in Indiana and quickly moved from "dorm brother/sister" to boyfriend and girlfriend. I had known him for 2 years before we got married, and I never would have guessed that I had married a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde until one hour after we were married. By the time we drove 5 miles down the road to our awaiting hotel suite, he had become my nightmare rather than my dream. I'm not going to get into great detail on all that happened during the 3 1/2 years I was with him, but I will say he was abusive in a myriad of ways. I consider it a relief that I did not get pregnant in the time I was with him because I believe he would have hurt our children, and I do believe he would have eventually killed me. The one thing he said to me that is so haunting is "I pray every night that God will kill you." What??? Are you kidding??? God says to love your wife as Christ loves the Church, and you ask Him to kill me? I was with him for about 6 months after that statement, and I can tell you that I made sure I did not sleep unless he was not home. I was terrified.

During the time I was married to him, we did not use any form of birth control. I quickly found out that my body could not tolerate any hormonal form of birth control, and I found out I was allergic to some of the other options. So, we didn't prevent. It was during this time that I began to realize that I was not "one of those" who got pregnant easily...if at all. When I left him, I felt like I was worthless as a wife...I was divorced at 23 and possibly couldn't even have children. BUT...God knows the plans He has for us!