Creation

So many times, the eyes of a child are amazing! Tonight, Noly asked me if I was just going to sit in bed for awhile while she played with Daddy. I told her that I was going to read my Bible. She said, "Oh, you read that a lot." I told her I try to read it every day. She asked if we could read her Bible together first, so we did.

It's funny to me how a lot of the Bible stories that I know she has heard before have left her memory, and it is like she is hearing them for the first time. There were pictures of Adam and Eve with many trees all around them, and then there is a picture of the ONE tree they could not eat from. She looked at me like they had more than enough. Why would they ever need to eat from that one tree? They weren't missing out with all they had in front of them to eat. How true! But how our flesh craves that "one" thing. It craves what we shouldn't have and isn't content with the many other blessings we have right in front of us. God has given us more than we need and just wants us to find contentment in our relationship to Him. He knows what will harm us, yet we act like He is withholding something desirable from us.

Hopefully, both Noly and I learned something about obedience and God's love for us tonight.

Strep Throat and the Flu

That's what Noly has...both. I'm really thankful she is such a little trooper and doesn't complain much! We are on top of her fever better tonight, so she is more comfortable. Last night, it got up to 102.9, and then she fell asleep on Kevin. I didn't try taking it after that because I didn't want to wake her.

We are two weeks into our 21-day fast at church, and I'm amazed at how much more time I have had to read my Bible, pray, workout, etc while fasting tv. It has been a really good two weeks even though we have been struggling with non-stop sickness in one form or another. The sickness didn't change, but spending time with God gives me much more peace about it. Our Pastor taught about joy last week. He talked about how happiness is an emotion that comes or goes, but joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Even if you are sad, you can still have joy because of Who you know. That was so eye-opening, and it has made a difference in my attitude within our sickness.

I'm making this short because I have some Rice Krispy Treats cooling to try to get Noly to eat a little with her antibiotic. Hoping for a good night of restful sleep for all four of us!

Lukewarm

It's so easy to become lukewarm. You leave milk out on the counter too long...you get lukewarm. You leave your coffee sitting too long before you drink it...you get lukewarm. Yuck! You leave your heart unchallenged too long, and it also can become lukewarm. I realized that is where I have been, the place between hot and cold.

Growing up in church, it's easy to go through the motions of Christianity. I can even go spend time with orphans in the name of Christ and still be lukewarm. It's a matter of where my relationship with Him is. If I don't spend QUALITY time with Him to stay hot, I will become lukewarm, or even quite possibly cold. I can even read my Bible daily and still not dive into His presence, search for His heart, delight in His embrace.

So, I want to be hot. I want to be passionate. I want to walk about my life living in His presence. Abraham took Isaac to Moriah in obedience because of his close relationship with God. He knew God's character; he was His friend. If I am really, truly spending more time with Him, getting to know Him, I will better be able to do what He asks of me. When adversity comes, I will be less shaken because I will be planted DEEPLY in Him, rooted and blossoming with His beauty.

I don't want to be lukewarm, curdled milk. I want to be delicious, steaming hot coffee (even if I don't like coffee)!

The Purple Crayon

Apparently, Jule wants a purple refrigerator. He did this while I thought he was playing with his new refrigerator toy.

We had an EVENTFUL Christmas. Christmas Eve went perfectly. We had a very nice time with Kevin's family. Then, at 1am on Christmas morning, Jule woke up with breathing problems from croup. We called an ambulance...again. After a few hours at the ER and some steroids, he got to come home. Mom and Dad arrived from Indiana around noon, and we had our Christmas the morning of the 26th.

I had talked with Noly about being grateful even when you don't get what you want. She did an amazing job! I saw her looking all over on Christmas Eve but didn't know what she was looking for. On the way home, she said, "I didn't get the puppy I asked Santa for, but that's ok. I'm still thankful." She was so sweet! I told her that Santa had not come to our house yet. So, on our Christmas morning, we hid her puppy until all of her presents were open. I had actually forgotten about it until she said she was still happy even without the puppy. I hadn't meant to keep it hidden that long. This was her face when she saw it...

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

Allergy Testing

Jule had his allergy testing today, and there is not one thing he's allergic to. So, why does he scream and throw up so much? Surely, it's not all just because he has reflux? We really do not have any answers, but I need to set it aside and just enjoy the Holidays. Enough testing for now.

Last Thursday, Noly came down with a tummy bug. She felt really sick to her stomach and didn't eat for a couple of days. She also slept a lot. By Saturday afternoon, she was feeling almost 100% again. She is so excited that Santa is coming to her house soon, and she is really seeming to grasp the birth of Jesus this year. I plan to have her help me make a birthday cake for Him.

I happened to catch "Giulianna & Bill" last night. It was the next episode after the Egg Retrieval. I cried for them when I saw that their Transfer did not work. I have no idea who they are, but I know it had to hurt! I thanked God for giving us our Noly on our first IVF attempt. I don't know how I made it through all of the shots, meds, etc. She was so worth it, and it is so hard for me to believe that her first moments of life were spent in a petrie dish!

I'm so thankful for the children God has given us, and I'm very much looking forward to spending Christmas with them and celebrating the birth of Christ! Merry Christmas!

The Orange Crayon

For the past two weeks, I have lost some of the affection of my #1 fan. Let's just refer to him as Jule to give him some anonymity. You will never guess what has come to replace me...the woman who gave birth to him...an animal puzzle and an orange crayon. Seriously, the animal puzzle is even missing the giraffe; and the orange crayon is, after all, well...a crayon! When I pick Jule up from daycare, he has always run to me shouting my name and jumped happily into my arms, content to leave whatever he had been doing. But last week, he started throwing himself down, clutching the all-important puzzle, and screaming when I picked him up. He also screamed when I picked him up and tried to loosen the orange crayon that he had been coloring with from his grasp. I know it sounds stupid, but it really hurt my feelings. How could something be more important to him than me...the one who feeds and clothes him, the one who cares for him when he is sick, the one who still loves him after nearly 2.5 years of screaming!

But isn't that what I do? It may not be an orange crayon, but I let so many things become more important to me than my Father. I greedily clutch my desires in my hands, and I don't want to let them go even to spend some time with the One Who loves me more than anyone else ever could. I would rather watch TV than have some quiet time with Him. I would rather do what I want than to follow where He is leading. I'm so guilty of that, and I wonder how that leaves Him feeling. I don't want Him to be unimportant in my life...I want him to be #1 in my life. And actually, I don't want to be #1 in Jule's life. I want God to have that spot when Jule is old enough to understand.

I think I will have to be ok with being 2nd place to a crayon, but I want it to remind me to keep God 1st, both in my heart and in my actions.

A Multitude of Thoughts

Jule's biopsy results came back and show that he, indeed, has reflux. It took everything in me not to say, "No kidding" when the Specialist called me with the results. I know he has reflux. What I want to know is why, and what is causing it! They said to keep him on one Prevacid a day and to call them so that we can increase it to two if he gets any worse. Well, he threw up 3 times during the week of Thanksgiving (not from being sick)...is that worse? Is it worse for him to vomit or to have spit-up coming out of his nose? You can probably sense my frustration.

Sometimes, often recently, I find myself tangled in anxiety. There are more questions than answers when it comes to Jule's health. There is more screaming than happy moments for him, and that just should not be true at 2 1/2. Poor Noly says, "I'm so tired of his screaming!" I understand, Noly. I really do. But deeper than that, I want what is causing him to scream to cease...the root of the problem to be uprooted!

Psalm 94:17-19 says, "Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence. When I said, My foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD, held me up. In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." That is what God has been speaking to me. I certainly have a multitude of thoughts. I have a lot of questions, and He is the only One Who can truly hold me up and hold my hand as I continue to walk through this with my son.

As I was flipping through the channels last night, I caught a glimpse of a show called "Bill & Giulianna." I don't really know what the show is about, but she was getting ready to go into the operating room for her Egg Retrieval for an IVF cycle. I could not turn away from the show. I was completely taken in by it. It took me back 6 years, and I vividly remembered going into my own Egg Retrieval. She came out drugged, and I remember coming out drugged. She was smiling about the number of eggs retrieved, and I remember doing the same. I remember telling them I was in no pain and didn't need pain meds. My mother-in-law drove me home, and we were all of 5 minutes away from the Fertility Clinic when the pain came on so strong that I wanted to scream. They retrieved 28 eggs, and it really felt like I could feel where each one was extracted! It's amazing to me how completely I can go back to those moments. And it's even more amazing to me that there was one, single, solitary survivor out of those 28 eggs...our Noly! God was there with me then, and He is here with me now. The cause of the anxiety was different, but it was still anxiety. He has truly brought me great delight in Noly and Jule, and I need to sit with Him and allow His comfort to delight me.

Tidings of comfort and joy to you all!