She is Here Today

Today is my birthday. I have been dreading it for weeks now because I knew she would not be here. There would be no phone call or card in the mail. There would be no easily recognized voice singing to me over the phone. I knew she would be painfully absent. Yet somehow, Grandma showed up...in a duck.

Before you think I need to get a grip on reality, let me explain :) When Jule was 5 weeks old, his reflux was so bad that all he did was cry day and night when he wasn't asleep. So, with Kevin's agreement, the kids and I flew to Indiana for 3 weeks to get some help. While my Mom and Dad had to work, my grandparents were all retired and had plenty of time to play with 2 1/2-year-old Noly, and screaming Jule. One day, when we were at my granparents', Noly became obsessed with this duck. Grandma had many little duck figurines, and Noly loved dragging this one around. Since Noly and Jule had two grandmas and two great-grandmas, my dad's parents quickly became known as Grandma & Grandpa Duck. Both kids always knew who we were talking about when we called them by that name.

When Grandma died, Grandpa sent this duck home for Noly to remember Grandma by. It's not something the kids normally play with, but let me tell you...this duck has made so many appearances today. For some reason, the kids kept bringing it to me. I am sad today, but I'm also ok. She IS here today...not in body, soul or spirit. She's here in the deposits she left in my life; she is here in my fond memories of many birthdays spent with her; she is here in my children's memories of her; she is here in this odd little duck that I have no idea why she bought; she is here in the musical gifts God has given me; she's even here in my memories of complete embarrassment when she kissed me goodbye in front of everyone in my college dorm.

God has granted me life...life from a 15-year-old girl and 17 year-old boy's accident. It was no accident to God, and He had plans for me from my very conception. I'm so thankful that God brought such a Godly influence into the life of an unplanned baby, and I treasure the memory of a Grandma whose eyes welled up with tears after spending just a couple of days away from me. I know she loved me greatly, and right now, she is fully experiencing the love of the One who made her. I love you, Grandma. Thank you for always making me feel so loved and celebrated on every single birthday (and every day).