Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Healing and Rebuilding

So, thankfully, the pin did not hurt at all coming out. I told the tech I was nervous, and he assured me it would not hurt. I thought for sure he was just saying that...you know, they often tell you it won't and it does! I heard a pop and looked down, and it was out! The Ortho said I could be off of my crutches but have to wear my boot until the hole seals. I was so excited and walked all over yesterday....and today, I'm paying for it. By last night, I was in unbearable pain, and we had to stay home rather than go to our Small Group Thanksgiving. I got the crutches back out because I want to get some relief. I know the healing will come...in time, it will come. I know this is only temporary.

I was reading Jeremiah 33 today, and it really echoed what I have felt God saying...that He will bring us health and He will "rebuild" us. Verse 6 stuck out to me, "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." I don't know that I'll ever know exactly why we have gone through these years of illness, but I know God will bring us healing. Joel 2:25-26 says, "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed."

I remember feeling like I was on top of the world in December 2002. I graduated college and was working my dream job as a Tax Preparer at a CPA firm. I could foresee myself being there forever. I know I'm a nerd, but I loved the challenge of preparing taxes. When I was in the Master's Program, I became pregnant after 10 years of infertility. It was so unbelievable and exciting! My heart was crushed when I found out that our baby had passed somewhere between my 8 week ultrasound and my 11 week. But in that 11 weeks, my heart had changed. All I wanted was to be a Mommy. I discontinued the Master's Program after becoming pregnant and miscarrying numerous times. It was just too much for me emotionally. I had been an intern at the CPA firm, so I was done there once April 15 came and went. I decided I wasn't in any shape to give the commitment that kind of a job demanded.

When I started working for the State and eventually had Noly and Jule, my life became all about them. But a large part of that was my providing them with Insurance through my job. I find myself thinking, "What am I doing? I'm quitting my job at a time when Jule seems to be getting better and we seem to have found a good migraine preventive?" I really have no explanation. But, at the same time, I have the most compelling explanation my mind can find...we're doing our best to follow the Giver of Life. Just as I thought that CPA Firm was the best thing and was wrong, God has such good things planned for me and my family. I'm so thankful for where He is leading us!

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