Gideon

I've fallen very behind on both reading and writing blogs. I stubbed my toe a couple of weeks ago and both fractured and dislocated it near the joint. It was pointing the wrong way even after it was put back into place (ouch, btw), so I had to have surgery last week. While I was waiting on surgery, it seems that I caught Hand, Foot and Mouth from the ER. I had really high fevers and blisters all over my throat for 5-6 days...not fun, but it sure made me forget about my foot! When I got back to work, a warning from the HR department awaited me. My kind boss had gone down to HR to check on FMLA coverage for my surgery, and they saw how much I have been out in the past year. She tried to explain to them about my migraines and about Jule's health, but they didn't care. They told her she had to tell me I would be fired if my attendance did not improve. I told her I really don't have any control over it. I can't control when/how long Jule gets sick for, and we have made every attempt to control my migraines. When Kevin travels, I am left alone to keep Jule home when the Daycare won't allow him to be there due to sickness. It has been very overwhelming because I carry our insurance, and we REALLY need the insurance.

Sunday, our Pastor taught on Gideon. It touched me so deeply. He was talking about how God called him a mighty man of valor, or something like that, and how contrary to Gideon's thinking that was. I feel very much like a failure in my ability to function like a normal person daily. I feel like I am failing my family because I may not be able to keep the job that is providing our insurance. I am left feeling so "less than." But I know that God is ultimately in control of the situation, and I know that insurance really doesn't matter in light of eternity. I still care, but I cannot carry the weight of it. Either God will bring us healing, or He will provide for our medical care. He has a plan so much bigger than my mind can know.

I did start a new migraine preventive the night before I broke my toe, and it is making a HUGE difference with minimal side effects! I'm very thankful for some head relief!