Psalm 27:14

Today, as I was doing my work, I glanced at BibleGateway's verse for today. It was Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

As I sit here "waiting," I'm doing my best to be strong and courageous. I have to admit, it's hard. I went to the Orthopedist yesterday, and he said I will need to have the pin in for 4 more weeks and be on crutches for 4 more weeks. I'm getting very physically worn out. It's hard to keep up with the kids, especially when Kevin is on the road. Jule has become aware that I cannot physically do what I used to and is taking advantage. Noly is being very helpful and has even become more independent during this time. I just have to wait 4 more weeks, then I can walk normally again!

We had an appointment with an ENT for a second opinion on Jule's frequent, complicated croup. The first ENT, who we love, just pretty much left it open ended. Our Pediatrician felt like he needed to be further assessed. The new ENT is awesome. Unfortunately, there are three things he feels we need to have done. He is not sure whether Jule's reflux is truly controlled or not. To our naked eye, it seems pretty well controlled though he has infrequent choking and vomiting. It is nowhere near what it used to be. But what our eyes cannot see could be wreaking havoc. So first, he would like to have a feeding-type tube put down Jule's nose for 24 hours. This would measure the pH levels or something and see how much reflux he is having. It sounds horrible to have him awake and aware of all of this for 24 hours. I feel like he's already suffered so much, but it also feels necessary to get to the root of the problem. He would then like Jule to have another respiratory surgery and upper GI with biopsies to check on what could physically be going on. This was a lot for me to swallow, but we do feel it is a step in the right direction. We are upping his Prevacid to 2 pills a day rather than one because it is possible the croup got worse when Peds GI told us to go down to 1. Maybe that will solve the croup problem?

We have been continuing to have problems with the Daycare. He still loves to go, but he is wearing on their nerves. One problem is that he has been having fluid in his ears that is causing ear pain, so he is more crabby than usual. On top of that, my State job threatened to fire me if I don't stop missing so much work. I wish it was that easy. I would make Jule and I 100% healthy in an instant if I had that power. At least I know the One Who does. Without Him, I would truly be hopeless.

I am sorting through all of this and doing what I can and letting go where I have no control. Ultimately, I will be there for my son. He is my priority. Unfortunately, carrying insurance for him is part of taking care of him...making sure his medical needs are taking care of...and they are MANY. So, I ask for prayers for us...for our health, for wisdom for our doctors, for favor with my job. I'm doing the best I can. Through all of this, God hasn't changed and hasn't ceased to be there for me. He is the same today as He was when I held my long-awaited miracles in my arms for the first time. That was after a long fight and a long wait. I know that, when I wait again, God will be there in the waiting, and His glory will shine through. I also know His outcome may not be my desired outcome, so I give it to Him because His thoughts are much higher than mine.

I don't know that I'll ever look back on these times and laugh, but I will look back and know that God carried us through.