Standing Still

James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." I have been speaking that verse and praying that God would give me wisdom in dealing with Jule and wisdom in dealing with the school., AND He is so faithful to answer.

This weekend, I thought of a consequence to try for him to get him to stop screaming. We tried it, and it worked in 1 minute. We have used it consistently, and it has cut his screaming from hours to one whole minute. My head is so thankful! They have also implemented it at school, and it is helping them too.

I have really been struggling with what to do regarding the school. I strongly feel he is supposed to be there, but I did not know what to do with the Director. I went to small group last night, and we talked about standing still. Sometimes, it is not in moving forward that you are actually moving forward. When God says to stand still, you gain ground by doing just that.

Ephesians 6:10-17 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."

II Chronicles 20:17 "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you."

God has been so faithful to make very clear to me that I don't need to "do" anything right now. I don't have to try to convince her of anything. I don't need to fight for my cause. He is keeping Jule safe, and somehow, God will shine through in this situation. I have no idea what that will look like, but I need to obey and stand. I've done a lot...we have gone to many, many doctors to help him out with his physical needs and whatever else he has needed. And right now, I just need to stand firm. It gives me a certain peace, even though my heart is still sad remembering what she said about him. I'm praying for God to move in the situation.

Hard Day

It's been a very hard day for me. Once again, I was called into the Director's office at Jule's school. She was out last week and wanted to know how his evaluation went. I smiled and told her the good news. Unfortunately, she did not share in my joy. Her face fell into a frown, and she said, "I can't believe they would say he is normal." Everything in me wanted to attack. He is my baby! She went on to question who we used, what tests they ran, etc. I told her we waited 4 months for the best doctors we could find and that they used the same tests they use on all of the other kids. I have no idea what they were named. She just kept shaking her head and saying she couldn't believe they could say he's normal. She said he cannot speak up to par, and I told her two separate speech pathologists determined his speech to be in an acceptable range. She said normal children take naps. I told her they said he was within normal limits because he sleeps 12 hours at night with no problem. She just kept rejecting what they said.

My heart was so broken, but I knew I had to keep calm and keep my tongue under control. I was mad...I was heartbroken that someone would speak about my son like that. Once again, he has been labeled, only this time, I know very much that it is an incorrect label. His teachers are amazing and did not react this way, so I want to keep him there at this point. He still LOVES going and his teachers' faces light up when he walks in all happy in the morning. We talk about what forms of discipline work best with him, and we are truly working together to bring about a more non-screaming Jule. I am still scared. I'm scared he will get kicked out. Not because he is naughty, and I'm not even sure what the reason would be. My heart is so heavy tonight, even to the point that I feel I could vomit, but I know God is at work in the midst of the situation. He still loves our sweet Jule and made him every bit as unique as he is.

Jeremiah

Last Friday was really difficult for me. I thought that Jule's fresh start at his new school was going perfectly. When the Director talked to me, it sent fear through my heart. I was so happy they were loving him despite his difficulty, but I was disheartened because they too were having problems with him. Thankfully, the problems were not with tactile sensitivity anymore. He has completely outgrown all of that! I drove to work very discouraged, knowing that his evaluation appointment was even more important to keep now.

As I sat and worked, I was listening to Chuck Swindoll's "Insight for Living" online. His topic was the prophet Jeremiah. He talked about how Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet, yet he had a strength to stand alone against the evil of the day. Some of the phrases from Jeremiah 1 that he used were"fortified city," "iron pillar," and "bronze wall." Then it hit me very hard. Jule is VERY much all of those things. He is unmovable, he is determined, yet he is so sweet and compassionate. I remembered how God spoke to me when I was 14 and told me I would have a son, and I remembered how He began to reveal to me that this son would be a prophet through the book of Jeremiah. I don't know if He was speaking to me over the 20 years to encourage me through these times, but it sure does make a difference in my perspective. I would not say it makes it any easier, but it helps me keep eternity in mind. It surely drives me to my knees in my efforts to raise this treasure God has given us. I know there will be times I will fail, but God knew that I could do it with His help.

He is out of school today because of pink eye, and the stress just doesn't seem to end. However, I do know the One Who knew Jule before he was even formed in my belly, and I know He will give us grace and direction as we journey through this thing called parenthood.

Developmental Pediatrics

This morning, we went to Jule's Developmental Peds appointment. I could not wait to get there and get it over with because I was really getting confused about what is going on with him. He loves his new school, but they have also been having problems with him. They did not say they think he is autistic but said they thought he should be evaluated because he screams frequently for no apparent reason. They said he often screams when the other children get anywhere near a toy he is playing with. They told me all of this Friday, and to say I have been stressed out is a huge understatement. Whether Jule had autism or a developmental delay or whatever else would not change my love for him or my determination to help him in any way I can. It's just that I am SO physically limited with my migraines, and I didn't know how I would physically be able to handle even more OT appointments or take him to another school that involved further driving. It is not out of lack of desire, but out of my physical limitation.

Much to my relief, Jule is not even on the autism spectrum. His developmental testing came back at his age level, so there is no need to take him back at all! To hear those words made me feel like I could breathe a little again. Now, we need to work with his school to help him learn not to scream. His new school is amazing, and they treat him with love and kindness even though he is difficult. He still loves going every day, which makes us very happy! The Peds Specialist thinks he has had so much physical pain and sickness in his 3 years of life that he has just learned to scream. Whether it is for something he wants, doesn't want or is in pain, he screams. Because he is very determined and strong willed, it could carry on for hours. So, she suggested a book for some ideas since we have not been able to come up with anything to truly stop him. I do not want to break his strong will. He needs it to do what God has called him to do. But I want him to learn to express himself without ear-piercing screams. I am praying that God would give us and the school wisdom on how to work with him to help him. I am also praying they will remain loving and have the patience to work with us and him through it. I am still nervous that there will come a point when they will have to kick him out, but I'm praying not.

Solomon talked a LOT about wisdom, and my prayer is for wisdom and God's insight on how to help Jule become the man he needs to be.

Small Updates

I am happy to report that Jule is doing amazing in his new school! We are very happy with the new school, and he is happy to go every morning. He is in a class size of 6 compared to 14 at the last school. Also, his teacher truly loves him and enjoys him. It is so different from him having a teacher that barely tolerated him. When we moved him, we chose not to reveal any information about the other school's issues with him, except for the fact that he does not nap. His new school keeps telling us how smart he is and how funny he is and how proud of him they are for knowing his colors. This is so different from hearing that he doesn't interact with other kids, screams all the time and doesn't know any words but "otay." I am very thankful that he is doing so well and that they love him so much. I am still taking him to be evaluated by Developmental Pediatrics next week mostly because we went through a lot to get the appointment. I'm fairly certain they will say nothing is wrong with him, though I'm not sure what they will think about him not being able to jump yet.

Noly is doing very well in Kindergarten. She loves riding the bus for a short time in the mornings and loves everything about school. She already has homework and is not really fond of that. She keeps getting in trouble for playing and not listening, but I'm wondering if part of it is her level of excitement about school. She gets wound up very easily. One nice thing is that both kids are asleep by 8PM because they are so exhausted. That gives me some time to be alone a little or to be with Kevin when he is in town.

Work has slowed down, and for that, I am VERY thankful! I was working on a huge project part of July and most of August, and it left me little time to do anything extra. Hopefully, I'll have a little more time to blog ;)

Grace

I would like to introduce you to my Grandma...her name was Grace.  We named Noly after her when we named her Nolynn Grace.  These pictures were taken the first week of August, and my Grandma died without much warning on 8/17/11.  She lived in the same home for close to 50 years, she was married to my  Grandpa for 61 years, she LOVED God, and she loved her family.

 This is the last time we saw her.  She was delighted that Jule cuddled up with her to listen to a music box.  She was wearing a paper necklace that Noly made when we had visited two days before.  She LOVED her great-grandkids...all 8 of them!

Obviously, I've known her all my life.  She met my mom for the first time when my mom and dad told her that my mom was 15 and pregnant with me.  I was her first grandchild!  Though a very dedicated Christian, she was never ashamed of me just because I was born out of wedlock.

I want to share with you my first memory of her.  I was there all the time when I was young, and when I was around Jule's age, I was playing with her.  Her phone rang, and she talked for a minute before hanging up.  I asked her to play with me again, but she told me, "That was someone from the church, and they had a prayer request for the prayer chain.  I need to go pray first."  I followed her as she went to her bedroom and got on her knees and immediately prayed for that prayer request.  This woman was a prayer warrior, though she may have never even heard that phrase.  She taught me to pray for people...to really pray.  She taught me to make the time for God.  When we went to her house after she died, I found her Bible with the final daily devotion she had read.  My Grandpa was kind enough to let me have it, and I love to read through its worn pages just as she did.  I love her notes and highlights, her handwriting, the tape where she had to put some ripped pages back together.  I treasure her great love for our God.

I still cry a lot because I miss her.  We talked at least once a week, and I miss our phone calls.  I miss just knowing that she was there in her house...cooking and ironing.  I am so thankful that God blessed me with a Grandmother who knew Him and who always pointed me to Him.  I bet she is up in heaven dancing with my 8 children who left the earth before I could meet them...they are her great-grandchildren.  I miss you, Grandma, and I love you.  But most of all, I'm glad you loved Him.