My Grandma

My Grandma died in the middle of the night. I will share more in the future, but for now, I just can't stop crying.

Struck Down, But Not Destroyed

Lately, I have been feeling very overwhelmed. I know that seems to happen a lot. A few weeks ago, Jule became very sick. Once again, we had to call an ambulance because he had severe croup that made breathing very difficult. He was also running 103 fever, and we could not get any meds into him because the goal with croup is to keep them calm. So, once again, we took off in an ambulance. The next morning, Kevin took him to the Pediatrician, and our very calm Ped was fairly alarmed at how bad Jule sounded even after having the maximum amount of steroids. I was unable to go to work because Jule was so sick, and Noly woke up with close to 102 fever the morning after the ER, and work became very frustrated with me. It felt like everything was beyond what I could bear and definitely beyond what I could control. My brother-in-law was able to keep Noly at the office so that I could work for the last few days of the week. Then, we headed to Indiana.

By this time, I had caught whatever the kids had. So, our drive was very difficult. 15 hours is a long drive when you are feeling well, and it feels like an eternity when you are sick and have a migraine. We made it up there, and I had lost about 6 lbs. in the two days we traveled. I did have a nice time with my family, but I did not truly feel good the whole time. Our trip back went a little better, and I had Jule alone last week. There was a lot to do to prepare for Noly's entrance into Kindergarten this week, so my week was very busy with just one child.

On top of that, my migraines have skyrocketed. We are having evening thunderstorms almost every evening. And while that is good for the drought, it is really bad for my head that feels every minuscule pressure change in the atmosphere. It is August 15, and I've already had 8 migraines this month. So, I've not been a very happy camper to say the least.

Here are some verses that are encouraging to me right now:

Psalm 94:17-19, "Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy." (Thanks, John!)

II Corinthians 4:8-10,16-18 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Though I am not giving up, I am simply only able to take life minute by minute at the moment. I don't know how Jule will do in a new school. Will they also think he is autistic? Will they treat him kindly and lovingly? Will he be happy there? How many more times will we need to call 911 because he is struggling to breathe? I do believe Noly will LOVE her new school, and she will even get to ride the bus in the morning for all of 10 minutes :) Will my migraines slow down at all? The pain can be so unbearable. I can only take it minute by minute and fix my eyes on the fact that it won't be like this forever. There is most likely a work being done in me just like there was one being done in me when I went through so many miscarriages...though I could not see it then. I trust Him....with my life, with my children, with my love. If things could just slow down a little, I feel like I may be able to breathe!

Hello

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...just feel like I have ;) We have had a very busy July/August, and I feel like there is barely time to catch my breath. We were able to go to Indiana for a week to see my family, and Noly stayed for an extra week to spend time with her grandparents and great-grandparents. Jule starts at a new school/daycare on Monday...hallelujah! The one he has been in for the past year has left me with a bad taste in my mouth. He has had many wonderful teachers, but the class he has been in since about February has been less than desirable. I am ready for him to go somewhere that he is not labeled and given up on. It has been very difficult for me to wait for the opening at this new place, but I am sure it will be worth it! Noly starts K5 on Tuesday, and I am very happy with her teacher! She will be so excited to go to "real" school :)

I know I need to update more and promise to once work slows down and life gets into a routine again. We appreciate your prayers for Jule as he enters a new place!

Recent Happenings

I'm very excited that we are going to see my parents soon! We really need a long vacation! My parents help so much with the kids, and it gives us such a needed break :) We have a lot of fun things planned, including spending as much time as we can with my grandparents. I'm so blessed that three of the four of them are still alive and are doing relatively well!

Saturday, Jule fell after coming up the stairs and really hurt his foot. He would not stand on it or walk without crying for two hours, so we decided he needed to go to the ER. Thankfully, he did not have any breaks or fractures. It swells up when he walks on it too much now, but he does not seem to be very bothered by it. I think it will feel back to normal in a few more days. Yesterday, Jule started running a fever, and today his breathing is not great. We are increasing his inhaler to twice a day to hopefully control the croup enough to keep him out of the ER. I feel so bad for him that he is sick so much. At least he won't remember it if he grows out of it soon!

I can't believe Noly starts real school in just a few weeks! She will be in all-day K5. She is so excited! We have all of the supplies she needs except for a new backpack and lunchbox. I want her to pick those out herself :) That's all I have for now...

Thirst

I have been thinking a lot lately about thirst. We have been in a drought and have finally been getting some rain here and there. The grass is so brown, the ground is so dry...and thirsty. I keep thinking about the woman at the well and how she was thirsty. She was probably physically thirsty, or she probably would not have been going to the well. She was also spiritually thirsty and had no idea.

It is so different when God pours down His presence into our circumstances. Even though the circumstances may not change, His saturation makes all the difference in the world. Just as our grass is beginning to turn green and come to life, His life brings true vitality to our hearts. Here are some verses that have been so encouraging to me:

Job 11:18a "You will be secure, because there is hope..." If I know that there is hope (and there is), then I can make it.

Isaiah 35:1 "The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom." 4a "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come..." 6b-7a "Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs..."

He is the refreshing stream that runs through our wilderness experiences, and He is our One Source of life...true life. For that, I am thankful.

A Better Day

I'm feeling a little better about things today. We took the kids to the mall last night and then to Chick-Fil-A to eat and play. It really helps me when we can get out of the house and do fun things. While we were at CFA, a woman came in with her 2.5-year-old twins. They were adorable, and Kevin and I watched from outside the play area and talked about how we could not have handled our kids if they would have been born at the same time :) Kevin went in to tell the kids to go down the slide instead of up and started talking to the woman. She told him she had several miscarriages, and they finally gave up and decided to do Invitro. She had the same fertility doctor we had for Noly and Payton. It was almost comical because Noly and the twins were actually conceived in the same room, just a few years apart and DEFINITELY in separate petrie dishes ;) I wonder how many children Noly will come across in her life that were conceived in the very same way/place? Very odd, but also very cool!

I was reading in John 4 today about the woman at the well. I find it interesting that this passage is about thirst, both physical and spiritual. This woman had been married many times, which could represent her search and "thirst" for something that was missing from her life. She was talking to Jesus about the Messiah coming, and I can only imagine her surprise when He tells her that He is the Messiah...the One she is talking to is the very One she is talking about! It was a life-changing day for her, and many believed in Christ as a result. How satisfying is a drink from the Fountain of Living Water!

Venting

I just need to vent a little bit. I'm miserable, and I feel like a terrible Mommy. It's not because of something I did, but because of something I missed out on...my baby boy's birthday bash :(

Saturday, we had a birthday party for Jule at Chick-Fil-A. It was just a few of our friends and their kids because Jule tends to get overwhelmed with too many kids, and he's scared to death of characters like Chuck E. Cheese. I came down with a stomach virus about 10 minutes before we had to leave. Kevin took the presents, party items and the kids, and I hoped that I would make it there a little while later. I just wasn't able to go, and it tore my heart out. I know Jule was oblivious, but I feel like I failed him. It probably isn't a big deal, but it feels like a big deal to me.

Also, my chiropractor had been helping a lot with my migraines, and my preventive was making my blood sugar drop frequently. So, the Neurologist told me I should go off of that particular preventive. Coming off of it was pure torture, but it has been out of my system for about 10 days now, and my sugar is doing much better. Unfortunately, my chiropractor had some schedule changes, and I was only able to see him about once a week. We have also had a lot of thunderstorms lately. All of this has sent me into a mass of migraines again. I'm so frustrated. We have a few other preventives to try, and I'm attempting to see the chiropractor every other day, but I'm so discouraged. I'm so tired of being in pain. I'm tired of trial-and-error meds that cause undesirable side effects. I just want to LIVE...you know, like a "normal" mommy!

I really detest migraines and wish nobody ever had to suffer from them :(