March 19 marked the 6th anniversary of my due date for our first baby that we lost, Hannah Elizabeth. Today, March 29, marks the 2nd anniversary of my due date for the 8th and final baby we lost, Payton Claire. The other 6 losses in between were very early losses, and I don't remember the due dates. Hannah and Payton were with me for 11 weeks and 8 weeks, respectively; and I treasure the moments I had with each of them.
With Hannah, I was still in the Master's Program, so I was working full-time, going to school at night, and coming home exhausted. After 9 years of infertility, I shared my new pregnancy with everyone I was in daily contact with. I was devastated when I found out that her heart had stopped beating. With Payton, I was to the point where I expected her heart to stop beating, so I wasn't a bit surprised. It was still devastating, but it was very different. We had done a Frozen Embryo Transfer, so it was quite a challenge just to get to the point of pregnancy in the first place. Then, I was very sick for the weeks I was pregnant. I chose not to tell most people because I just didn't know if the pregnancy would last.
I know that all 8 of my children are in heaven around the throne of God, and that gives me great comfort. I find that I am sad sometimes when I think of who my babies could have been, but the two babies that came to be with me on this earth bring me an amazing amount of comfort and fulfillment. They bring me so much joy and much laughter for all the tears that I shed. Like Noly, who just cannot understand why I prefer pants and do not like dresses and skirts. After all, I am a girl!! And like Jule, who loudly roared when he saw a picture of lion during the communion at church on Sunday. I love my 10 little gifts, and we will all spend forever in heaven together. God has truly fulfilled His word "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD." Psalm 113:9
On a different note, Brandi is doing awesome! They took the balloon heart pump out on Saturday, and they took the vent out yesterday! She is doing well, is sitting up, and even left a short video message thanking those who have been praying for her. We have truly witnessed a miracle in our family! When the doctors said there was nothing more they could do, God did! Maybe when she is much better, I could do a blog interview with her. She also went through many years of infertility before getting pregnant with her 1-year-old, Isaac. Thank you all for praying!
1 comment:
I just went back to find out about Brandi and wow....that is a fine example right there of God doing His thing. The only way to explain it is miraculous! I pray she continues to do well!
I can relate to the emotion in this post. The dates for 2 of my miscarriages are coming up in mid-April and Tim is always surprised that I remember those dates, especially the due dates. I don't think it's something we ever forget.
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