A Choice?

While going through my first 7 miscarriages from 2003 to 2005, I dealt with a lot of anger at God. I was angry that my babies were dying, and it left me questioning how a good God could allow so much bad to happen to me. Through it all, I came to a place where I was no longer angry with Him and knew He loved me. I came to the conclusion that both good and bad happen to both good and bad people. I came to a place where I realized that God did not love me any less than other women who do not lose a single baby.

After having some excruciating migraines this week, I didn't feel angry at God. It did, however, raise some questions in me that will probably never have an answer while I'm on this earth. I know I'm God's child and that He loves me. The overwhelming sense of love became so clear when I had my own children and felt a love for them that I had never felt for anyone before. Jule, in particular, has gone through so much physical pain, and I know that I would completely remove it if it were in my power. It IS in God's power to remove these migraines from me, so is He making the choice not to? Jesus chose to suffer and die for the sins of the world; and in the Bible, many sick came to Jesus and He had great compassion and healed them. I'm not really sure why He isn't healing me or why I'm having to suffer for so long. I do not doubt that He will bring about His glory through this, and I know that all will be clear in eternity. It's just something I'm wondering, and I'm asking him DAILY to take the pain away, just like I prayed DAILY for a son for so many years. I'm not angry, but I am utterly exhausted (though not really stressed out anymore) and I'm hoping this season does not last much longer.