Botox

I go in on Friday for my Botox injections. I have read up very little on them because I don't want to scare myself, but it looks like about 31 injections to the head and neck areas. I'm really praying this works for me and is the miracle the Neurologist keeps saying it is!

Noly is home with a cold and maybe/maybe no low fever. It is hard to tell with ear thermometers, so I finally replaced it today. We ALL took a good, long nap, which made me a very happy mommy! Even Jule joined in on the festivities and is much happier boy now :)

A Choice?

While going through my first 7 miscarriages from 2003 to 2005, I dealt with a lot of anger at God. I was angry that my babies were dying, and it left me questioning how a good God could allow so much bad to happen to me. Through it all, I came to a place where I was no longer angry with Him and knew He loved me. I came to the conclusion that both good and bad happen to both good and bad people. I came to a place where I realized that God did not love me any less than other women who do not lose a single baby.

After having some excruciating migraines this week, I didn't feel angry at God. It did, however, raise some questions in me that will probably never have an answer while I'm on this earth. I know I'm God's child and that He loves me. The overwhelming sense of love became so clear when I had my own children and felt a love for them that I had never felt for anyone before. Jule, in particular, has gone through so much physical pain, and I know that I would completely remove it if it were in my power. It IS in God's power to remove these migraines from me, so is He making the choice not to? Jesus chose to suffer and die for the sins of the world; and in the Bible, many sick came to Jesus and He had great compassion and healed them. I'm not really sure why He isn't healing me or why I'm having to suffer for so long. I do not doubt that He will bring about His glory through this, and I know that all will be clear in eternity. It's just something I'm wondering, and I'm asking him DAILY to take the pain away, just like I prayed DAILY for a son for so many years. I'm not angry, but I am utterly exhausted (though not really stressed out anymore) and I'm hoping this season does not last much longer.

One More Preventive Down the Drain

I haven't posted much because I've been in a lot of pain most of the time still. I tried Lyrica, and it turned out to be horrible for me. One dose was all I needed to know I did not want to try it ever again. I bought some herbal pills to try (Magnesium), but I don't want to try them until I have a break from the side effects of the Lyrica.

Jule had some lip problems this past week. Monday, he was running through the tile kitchen and fell on his face. He hit his upper lip and had a cut with quite a bit of swelling. He was ok in general, but he would not eat the rest of the night, even his favorite foods. By Tuesday morning, he was back to eating normally. Then, unfortunately, Tuesday night, he had another lip injury. A 9-year-old knocked him over with the door at the Chick-Fil-A play area. His bottom lip must have taken most of the impact because he bit right through his bottom lip. I think I was more traumatized than he was, but I know it hurt. He screamed for quite awhile, and it took a lot to get it to stop bleeding, but it did not need stitches. AND he was already eating by the time we got home. I don't understand the difference.

We are so pleased that he has gone 5 months with absolutely no croup! God truly blessed us overflowing with wisdom when we asked! It is so nice to be able to relax more when he gets a cold. He has been much healthier overall since we took him out of daycare.

Noly is loving school and is already reading and writing at a first grade level! I'm so glad she enjoys learning. She is sweet and is already starting to show the attitude of a 16-year-old sometimes...something I don't like that she is learning at school. It's ok though...we are working on it.

My Grandpa has been in the hospital almost non-stop since my Grandma died. Some of it is strokes, some kidney stones, some a fractured back...multiple reasons. But, recently, the hospital told him he cannot live at home alone any longer. He will have to go to an assisted living facility once he is healthy enough to leave the hospital. It has been tearing me apart because that means the Bank will be taking their home. They did a reverse mortgage maybe about 10 years ago, so he will have 2 months to get everything out once he is officially declared to be unable to live alone. He BUILT that house with his own hands about 50 years ago. It's the only house I've ever known them to live in. It holds so many memories. They've even had the same phone number my whole life. It's very painful, but I know it's just something I need to work through. We will have to go in a couple of months to get the items we would like before they do an estate sale. That will be hard, but I'm thankful that we get the chance to have some of their things that hold sweet memories. We even lived in their finished basement during some times when we had a house built, remodeled, etc...so my family even lived there briefly too.

Please pray that the Insurance will approve the Botox soon so I can live again. I really enjoyed the week I had home with only one migraine. It was awesome! I would love to experience that again!

Plagues

Please bear with me if this is random or odd because my head is still killing me...

I have been reading through the Bible through youversion.com, and I have been reading about the plagues God brought on Egypt that caused them to let His people leave their lives of slavery. For several of the plagues, the Bible mentions that God kept the plagues from touching the Israelites. I noticed that the last plague was different. The Passover required them to obey God in order to be spared from the plague...from the death of their firstborn. I wonder why it was that they were automatically spared during the earlier plagues but not for the last one. I noticed that there are a lot of times that God requires obedience while they are wandering in the wilderness...like not gathering too much manna. I think obedience to Him is huge, and I try to keep that in mind when I feel like a mean mommy when disciplining my kids.

That's all my brain can tolerate right now. We are still waiting for Botox approval, and my migraines are at least 6 days a week. Some days, I'm not in pain the whole day, and those are the times we try to get out and have some fun. The past two nights, they have hit around 10 pm because our weather is going from really nice during the day to very cold at night. My head just can't take the pressure changes.

I'm so thankful that I'm able to be home. Jule is hilarious, and I enjoy having more relaxing evenings with Noly rather than trying to hurry through everything just to get ready for the next workday. Tonight, I had our tv on in our room while I was downstairs getting ready to go up for bed. I heard Jule singing and moving around and could not see him on his monitor, so I knew he was toward the foot of his bed. I came upstairs and closed our bedroom doors so that he would not see any light. I had no idea he could actually see the tv from his bed, but it sounded like he could. When I shut the door, I heard, "Oh man, the door is closed!" And he promptly went to sleep :)