July 4th Memories

It was June of 2002 when we bought our first home. We were so excited, and we were able to throw our first 4th of July party with many friends. We talked, ate, shot off fireworks, someone got hot pepper juice in their eye...you know, the usual. I remember it well!

So, we did the same thing on July 4, 2003, which the exception of the hot pepper incident. Only this year, I felt really strange. I was tired and achey. Everyone decided to go see fireworks somewhere, but we stayed home. I was ready to sleep. The thought never even occurred to me that I could be pregnant. After all, I had spent nearly 9 years unable to conceive. Why would this time be any different? Much to my surprise, I found myself staring at two pink lines on a pregnancy test just four days later.

Today, as I thought about our weekend plans, I found myself thinking back to July 4, 2003. Strangely, I longed to feel our baby Hannah in my belly again...to feel sick, to feel tired, to feel that surreal feeling that what I had prayed for for so long had finally happened. She was with me for 11 weeks, but she never became part of the family that we take to the park or the beach. I celebrate the two children that God gave me to take care of; they make me laugh daily. But I do still miss our little Hannah sometimes and wonder who she would have been. With her, I experienced seeing my baby's heartbeat on an ultrasound screen for the very first time, I experienced strong aversions to cheese for the very first time, and I experienced many other "firsts" with her in my belly. I do treasure that time, and I find myself thinking about her every so often, especially every 4th of July.

Some day, when my kids are much older, I may even share with them about their sister on the 4th of July. Happy 4th, everyone!