When I Find Him

So much has been going on lately. Each of the kids had a tummy bug, then we went to Disney, then I had a meeting with Jule's teacher, then Jule had croup yet again, then Noly graduated from Preschool. I will get to most of these a little more in depth but will happily leave out details from the tummy bugs ;)

Jule got his tummy bug about 10 days after Noly, and it was the weekend before we were supposed to leave for Disney. Now, in the past, it usually takes about 4-5 days, then Kevin and I are sick. We were worried about getting to Disney and getting sick and not being able to care for the kids in a hotel room. BUT we decided not to live in fear, and off we went! We had a wonderful time and actually stayed out until 1 am one night! I was so glad we chose to go, and it was a happy time out of the house for both of the kids.

We got back on a Tuesday night, and I had a meeting with Jule's teacher and the Preschool's Director on Friday. I was nervous because I figured he would be one of the kids that was put in timeout a lot. Unfortunately, that was not the case. They told me how sweet he was and how beautiful his smile is, and I knew it was not going to be good. They listed off many things about him that they are concerned about. They did not know he could talk and were shocked to learn that he rattles off sentences non-stop at home. He also screams when touching fingerpaints or glue and screams when classmates get into his personal space. I knew by the words they were saying that they think he has some form of autism. This has been such a blow to my heart on many different levels that I cannot even get into on a blog. Our Pediatrician is setting up an appointment with the Developmental Specialists at the Hospital I work with. He does not think Jule has autism but may have some developmental delays from all of the sickness...just like he had some speech delays and needed speech therapy.

Kevin had been out of town and came in Friday night. I was so upset that I was barely able to tell him all that had been said. I told him the basics and went up to bed...exhausted. I was overloaded. I laid down, got comfortable, and then I heard IT....yes, IT...again. Jule woke up crying with croup. I picked him up and got him into the steamy bathroom. It helped the coughing, but the stridor was still pretty bad, so Kevin held him in front of the freezer. That helped enough that we felt his breathing was fine. He had some pretty noticeable stridor all night that night. We were so busy with his health that the weekend came and went, and I was a mess...chest pain, crying, so devastated.

Enter Noly's graduation today. She walked in with her class and stood in front of the auditorium. They sang several songs, and I saw her looking for us but could not catch her attention. There were just too many people. She looked sad but continued to sing. Then, the moment came that she saw us! Her whole face lit up, and she sang the rest of the songs all smiles and kept looking over at us. And it hit me...that is what happened to me Tuesday night. I was so overwhelmed. I put Jule to bed just after 7 because he was still sick. Kevin took Noly to Walmart so I could finally be alone, and I sat down with my Bible and began to read. The reading turned to weeping because God began speaking to me. I cried for awhile, read more, prayed, and I found a peace to walk through what lies ahead. And it's because I found Him. I looked through all of the "mess" around me, and I found the One Who can bring light to my eyes. Psalm 34:5 says, "They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed." Finding where my Father is in the crowd makes all the difference in the world. And while what lies ahead with this new hurdle is a very emotional roller coaster; if I have Him, I have everything I need.