My Son

20 minutes after birth, I still had not held my son. I watched as they did all of the weighing, the wiping off, etc. Then, they did something strange...they called someone on the phone. I knew it wasn't normal because they did not do that with Noly. I asked what was wrong and told them I wanted to hold my son. They told me I could only look at him and said he was "grunting" and may need a little help breathing. So, a week later, I got to take my baby home from the NICU with paperwork that documented Jule's medical problems...20 minutes after birth.

When Jule reached 4 weeks old, he began to scream for hours on end. I would feed him for an hour, burp him and change him for an hour, lay him down so we could sleep for an hour, and then start all over again. If I didn't burp him for an hour, he would spit up everywhere the minute I put him down. I soon learned something else was wrong with my son...reflux. We often went through 50 burpcloths a day, and he spent most of his time screaming. He was a beautiful baby, and I loved watching as his curly hair appeared; but my heart broke that something was wrong with him.

When he was 5 months old, he woke up with his first case of croup. He was retracting horribly & drooling, and I was so glad when the ambulance arrived. He was admitted to the hospital with a case of complicated croup. Once again, something was wrong with my child. Good thing I didn't know that this would happen over and over again!

Periodically, we would go through normal illnesses like any family does. Jule had 2 sets of tubes, his adenoids removed and continued to have reflux past the age that most babies stop having it. I took great delight in his beautiful ringlets and resisted cutting his hair even though many people thought he was a girl! Isn't that head of hair gorgeous!

Through all of the croup, the ear infections and resulting tubes, the frequent screaming, the speech therapy, I became a Mommy who would have to stand up and fight for the rights of my baby. So, when I went to the p/t conference, I really didn't expect to hear a NEW addition to something is wrong with my child. It has been so overwhelming, and it continues to be overwhelming...though I do have moments where God really ministers peace and strength to me. I know that I will continue to stand up for my child, to fight for his best interests...but I do not really know what that entails right now. I just pray that God gives me the strength I need to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. Through it all, God still reigns and is still sovereign.

I know that he is a little sweetheart and I love watching him develop into the person that God has called him to be. I believe the strong-willed part of him will turn out to be one of his greatest strengths as he gets older. I'm praying for peace as we wait for possibly a couple of months to get his developmental assessment. Until then, I want to enjoy him and help him in any way I possibly can. With God's help...