The Mountain of God

We are sick.....

...again...or still???

Noly started out with a sore throat and fever Saturday and ran a fever until Tuesday. She had pink eye and a raging ear infection along with her cold/virus. She's been on antibiotics since Monday and is finally starting to feel a little better. Last night, I came down with it, and Kevin started feeling bad this morning. So, here we are...nothing new.

I am at work and was listening to the radio and heard Third Day's "Mountain of God." The end of the chorus says, "...I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God." Our Pediatrician and I were just discussing something very similar when I took Noly in on Monday. He said he often sees God do some amazing things when people go through something like this and come out on the other side. I believe that is what will happen.

Right now, we're climbing the mountain. We are worn out, beat down, thirsty and sometimes ready to quit. But the mountain is ahead. I know I need to keep my eyes on God and what He is doing and is going to do in my life. All of this sickness is just a blink in the eyes of eternity. We're going to make it up the mountain, and I have to believe that the sickness will stop in time. Hopefully not another two years, but who knows. I waited a long time for my babies to get here, and it was so worth the "climb," so worth the journey. I remember sitting at a Third Day concert shortly after my last miscarriage, and God majorly spoke to me through "Mountain of God." It wasn't long after that that Jule arrived. Noly and Jule were so worth the fight, and I know that eternity is even so much more worth the fight.

Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

John 12:24-25

The phrase "He that loveth his life shall lose it..." has been going through my head today, so I decided to look it up and read the chapter. John 12:24-25 (KJV) says, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal." I started thinking about what I have been going through and how I could change my perspective.

It is necessary that I die to my flesh and my sinful nature. It is necessary that I love God more than anything on this earth. John 16:33 (KJV) says, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." There it is in black and white...you will have trouble in this world! Not if's, and's or but's...you WILL have trouble. But the promise is that He has overcome the world. He has overcome the trouble, conquered death with life, filled the tearful eyes with glee. He has overcome! I feel very overcome, but I know that He has already conquered sickness at the cross. I also know we will have victory through Him over sickness, whether it be in this world or when we go to be with Him in glory.

The phrase "hateth his life in this world" is an odd one to me. I don't think God is saying we have to literally hate our life. I looked up this verse in several different passages, and I love how The Message puts it: "In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal." That is what I want, and I want it to be so evident to my kids that it rubs off on them. I want the attitude in II Corinthians 4:16-18 (The Message), "So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever." This is only temporary. This is not our forever. God is giving us His grace in the midst of this, and that grace is all-sufficient.

Maybe my attitude change needs to be to look for His grace in the midst of our troubles, to see His hand in the midst of the chaos, to see His calm in the midst of my anxiety, and to see His ultimate healing power in the midst of our sickness and pain. If I strip away the layers of pain and frustration, I know I will find a core of Grace holding me.

When You Don't Have the Strength to Make Lemonade

You know how people say to make lemonade when life hands you lemons? Well, what if you don't have it in you to make the lemonade? We are still going through a rough patch with our health...namely Jule and I. Norovirus took quite a toll on us for a couple of weeks, but it has left our house now! Jule is back to screaming and screaming and screaming. He's also developed this lovely little habit of trying to make himself throw up when you tell him no and he is mad. Our response is no response since we don't want him to make that a way to manipulate and get what he wants, but the screaming itself is really wearing me down...especially when noise is one of my migraine triggers. We took him in to get his ears checked about 9 days ago, and they were fine. The Ped said his canines are coming in, and they continually hurt because they widen as they grow. My guess is that the pain is making his "terrible two's" worse. We're going to try Tylenol right when we get home from work to try to see if pain is making a difference. He really can be such a sweet baby!

My migraines are really bad. So far, on April 22, I've had 14 migraines in the month. I am up to two Gabapentin pills a day, and the therapeutic dose is three. Tomorrow, I will be able to increase the dosage to three. I'm hoping so much that it helps and that my body can tolerate the pills. Wednesday, I'm going with my friend, Whitney, to a healing service at her church. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to live without pain...it would be amazing! Right now, my husband said he wakes up every day wondering if I will be in pain or if one of us is going to be sick. We just don't get a break. On the very few days we do, we live it up. That's one reason we went to the beach last weekend...we all felt good!

I have not been able to spend much time reading my Bible lately because it hurts to read with the migraines. That is really frustrating for me, and I try to read whenever I'm not in pain. I do listen to sermons online while I'm working so that I'm getting some Word in me even when I can't read. Something has to change. I'm holding a basket of lemons, and I'm doing the best I can to have a good attitude in the midst of this. But it's been almost 2 years now, and I'm tired. I want Jule to be a healthy little boy, and I want to be a pain-free, healthy Mama. Praying for major changes at the healing service even if it's just in my ability to have a good attitude.

To the Beach

Today was a beautiful day in the 70's, so we decided to take Jule to the beach for the first time.

He was incredibly unimpressed, but we did get some cute pictures!

Daddy, why did you bring me here?

I don't like it here. I want to go home now!

Ok, I'll pose for another picture.

It's not so bad when Daddy is holding your hand.

Noly was cold but very happy to be at the beach!

Look, I have wings like Tinkerbell!

I'm a cute little beach bum!

Overall, we had a nice time despite Jule's crying. It was so nice to have all four of us feeling well that we took full advantage of the day! I'm hoping we have MANY more days like this!

Disney World?

I am a musician/accountant, and my husband is a computer geek/wastewater tech. I am an introvert; he is an extrovert. I like 4 Him, and he likes Pink Floyd. I am quiet; he is loud. We are opposites with so many things, but we do have one thing in common: our love for Disney World. As he sat looking at a paper, I asked him what he was doing. He told me he was looking for anniversary gift ideas for me. I told him all I wanted was a couple of days in Disney with him and the kids...or we could get gifts for each other. There was no question that what we both wanted was Disney World. We went there for our honeymoon, and we go back every chance we get. Since we had the kids, we have to make the trips shorter, but they are just as magical if not more! So, plans are in the works for a two-day run to Disney. We need the break, we need the magic...we need the joy! We need to wish up on star...j/k.

Noly is just a tad excited about the trip...

Stop

Can we? As mothers? Really stop? I've decided to do that tonight.

Jule came down with a tummy bug Saturday morning, and I ended up spending the whole day cleaning up and/or trying to console him. Then, I had a migraine Easter morning, so Kevin took the kids to his parents' house. I took my Imitrex and a Phenergan since the migraine was making me nauseous, figuring I could sleep it off while the house was empty and quiet. About 30 minutes later, I got a call from Kevin that Noly was now sick and would for sure start vomiting any time. Yep, she was sick too. She started vomiting around 3:30 or 4 and had continued at least 25 times by 9:30. She was so sick and lethargic that we ended up taking her to the ER. Kevin took her while I stayed home with a very fussy, screaming Jule and also tried to clean everything up. I finally got Jule down by 11 pm but was very worried about Noly. They gave her Zofran and said she would have to be admitted if she vomited anymore. Thankfully, the Zofran helped! I have never seen her so weak and unresponsive, even with other tummy bugs. My heart is still broken thinking about how much pain she was in and how much she was suffering. I just can't stand to see them suffer.

So, I have spent the past few days cleaning up, tending to sick little ones, trying to work when they and I were all well enough, cleaning some more, making meals, running to the store for whatever sounded good to Noly to eat...you get the picture. Tonight, I'm recovering from a day-long migraine and I was just about to mop the floor, and I started to think about it. Does it really matter if the floor gets mopped? Nope. Does it really matter if I stop and rest? Yes, I need to. Sometimes, I don't think we give ourselves permission to rest and just let it be enough. We've done enough. The laundry can wait, the floors will still be there tomorrow, the toys can be all over the floor...it's ok. And not just to play with our kids. We sometimes need time to just "be." That's what I'm giving my Type A self permission to do tonight...nothing! Please join me. I know you need it!