I Cried Today

I don't have a lot of time or brainpower because of a double ear and sinus infection, but I don't want to forget what I felt today and why I had the feelings I did. Since Noly and I were both home sick, I decided to run to her school for K5 next year to get the packet to fill out. It's only about a mile away, so it was no big deal. She liked seeing her school (from the view of the front office) and is excited about K-5.

While she was napping, I started to fill out a ton of paperwork, and I came across a question that almost sent me into hysterics. I'm not upset because my baby is going to "real school" next year, but I was terribly upset when I read something that I may have to answer differently in the future..."has your child ever received speech or another type of early intervention therapy?" The answer to that one for Jule will already have to be yes because he has had speech therapy. It then went on to ask what kind of disability or special needs your child has and if they have an EIP, etc. I do know what EI means and EIP, not in depth, but I have a broad idea. It just breaks my heart and sickens me that I don't know what is going to happen with Jule. I don't know how I will be answering those questions in regard to them. There are easy answers with Noly, thankfully! And it's not that I look down on those with disabilities. I think it's all of the questions that are not answered at this point.

I sent in the enormous amount of paperwork Thursday, so I hope to have an appointment with the Development Specialists soon for an evaluation for Jule. I think it may be more about grieving the loss of a dream...kind of like every miscarriage was. But I don't even know what to grieve at this point because I don't know what the specialists are going to say. I don't want my little guy to be an outcast in school like they say he is because he screams when his personal space is invaded. He is surely a delight to us, and I so want other people to be able to delight in him too, not just be irritated.

I'm losing my thoughts quickly here. I hope some of this makes sense.