Calling

2 Peter 1:10-11 "Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

Ever tempted to give up on your calling? I mean, you have a sense of what it is, but you just can't take the heat. That's how I was feeling Thursday. We have been going through a myriad of physical ailments for over 2.5 years now. I'm tired. I'm worn out.

In the past two weeks, God has been speaking to me about the end result of all of this sickness and pain. I believe there will be a ministry coming out of all of this...a ministry of healing. And though I don't really know what that means yet, I feel like there is a purpose behind all of this suffering...to glorify God, to bring healing to the hurting and broken, to proclaim a God that is bigger than all this life has in store. Yet, I felt like giving up on Thursday.

Noly came out of the bathroom Thursday night and announced that she had not been able to urinate the ENTIRE day, not once. No big deal to her. I called the nurse, and she told me to take her straight to the ER. To me, it felt like the world was caving in around me. All last week, I struggled with migraines. I was also taking antibiotics for strep throat. So, when you put antibiotics and migraine meds together, my body just cannot handle it. I can barely handle either med alone. I had pushed and pushed through the week, longing for Thursday night when I knew Kevin would be back in town and could take care of the kids. And now, he had to take her to the ER just when he was getting home. On top of that, I was guessing that the ER would have to do some things that would cause my child pain. The thought of her hurting just killed me. I also had no idea why a child would not be able to go to the bathroom and worried about what may be causing it.

I left a short voicemail for our Pediatrician to let him know what was happening since he had seen Noly 5 times in just 10 days already. I put a movie in for Jule so that he would be entertained for a few minutes, and I went up to the bathroom and cried. I told God that I didn't know if I could follow this call if it meant that my children had to suffer. It was just too much. I talked to Kevin a few times to check on them, and he said the ER waiting room was packed. We knew it would be a long wait. Of course, I knew that I needed to follow where God was leading and press on even though the circumstances were tough, but I felt like it would be so much easier to live a mediocre life for God.

I'm so thankful that God brought me relief (though He didn't have to). Our Pediatrician called me just a little while later. He was out of town but felt like Noly was ok to wait until the morning after his flight got in and he got into the office. I was able to call Kevin and tell him to come back home, Noly did not have to go through any painful procedures, and my heart was able to rest a little. Ps. 34:4 says, "I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." Once again, I see God's grace and strength shining through as He moves His hand through my circumstances. Sometimes we find relief, and sometimes we grieve. In the end, I do believe that we will say His call is worth the pain. His heart is that I follow what He wants me to do so that His love can reach out to others, and that does not mean that I won't go through trials to get to that place. I pray for strength and endurance, and I want to hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" someday.