Breaking Down

Today was a day of emotionally breaking down for me. I don't think it was in a bad way. It was just a delayed reaction to the events of the week. Kevin came down with the flu on Sunday morning, so I spent the day playing with and caring for the kids. Jule had an odd cough, but he was fine. Very suddenly, he came over and crawled into my lap Sunday evening, and I checked his temp. It was 102.6. I knew it was the flu. I wasn't really concerned, but I knew he would probably feel yucky for a few days.

He woke up Monday morning with 104 fever, which was not too disturbing because I knew we already had a doctor's appt within an hour. Flu confirmed, Tamiflu prescribed, no problem. I laid down for a nap while he napped, and "it" happened again. "It" is one of the things that has scared me the most in his little lifetime. He woke up with severe croup, and he was struggling to breathe. I got him into the bathroom and steamed it up quickly. Luckily, Kevin was a couple of miles down the road at his office, and I was able to call and get him to come home right away. Jule was coughing so much he couldn't breathe. All he could do was cough, vomit and struggle to even cry. I took off his shirt, and he was retracting. Ugh! So, I called the Ped's office. While I was waiting to hear back from them, I took his temp...103. He was so sick and struggling so much; it just broke my heart. They called back right away and told us to head to the ER.

On the way to the ER, he improved greatly. He calmed down while watching one of his favorite videos, and that helped the croup immensely. So, I called our Ped, and he told us to use some oral steroids we held onto after his Christmas Croup incident, and he gave us some meds for his nebulizer. By Tuesday, he was doing much better. I'm so thankful that God continually guards his life. It never ceases to throw me for a loop because breathing is kind-of an important bodily function ; ) I was able to get to the office today for several hours and found myself crying. It was the first time I was "off" from being the protector and caregiver, and I was able to process the emotion of it. I sure do love these two little people!

I was able to cut my morning dose of Neurontin back to 4 pills, and I increased the evening dose to 7 pills. AND I have not had a migraine in a week! I'm so thankful for the prayers that so many have prayed for my head, and I'm praying this combination brings me MUCH continued relief. God is faithful, whether we struggle to breathe, whether we are pain free...He just is. I have to get some sleep. I believe my 2 year old has learned to share....the flu!

The Solid Rock

I am in a lot of pain from a string of migraines right now, so this post may not make the total sense I'd like it to. Yesterday, I received our song list for church on Sunday. One of the songs is a remake of "The Solid Rock." As I listened to it, it brought me comfort to know that, even though I am in pain a lot right now, GOD is my solid Rock. I can stand on Him and know that He will not fail, even if I am hurting.

This took me back to our first IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) at the Fertility Clinic. I was driving there to try to get pregnant after many miscarriages and felt a nudge to put in 4 Him's Hymns CD. God spoke so sweetly to my heart when I heard..."On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand." He got me through infertility. He got me through many miscarriages. He brought me two beautiful babies. AND He will get me through migraines. He IS all my hope and stay.

Focus

Today, I read Numbers 13-14. It is about the spies that were sent into the land of Canaan. All of the spies, except for Joshua and Caleb, came back with a horrible report. They were focusing on the people of the land and the impossibility they saw in conquering them. They could never inhabit this land flowing with milk and honey...they were tiny like grasshoppers! Really? Seriously? All of the people began to moan and complain because they focused on the people of Canaan. They even said that they would have been better off if they had never left Egypt. Are you kidding? These people had seen numerous signs and wonders, displays of God's power. They walked through a sea on DRY land, they ate manna that fell from Heaven, and a cloud led them by day and a pillar of fire by night (God VERY visibly led them). When they grew tired of the manna, God sent quail for them to eat. Yet, somehow, this miraculous God was not enough to conquer the people in Canaan. It amazed me, yet convicted me. Their focus was not on the right place. If they had been looking up, they would not have been so overwhelmed by what was visible in front of them.

I am not so different from them. I have been having major migraine problems again and am on day #7 of head pain. And while I cannot forget that I am in pain, I can redirect my focus. In Philippians 1:21, Paul says "For me to live is Christ..." If He is my focus, then these "things" around me won't be so overwhelming. I get really upset that I spend so much time in pain during my kids' younger days, but it really doesn't matter in light of eternity. There will be no pain in heaven. What matters is that my life is for Him, that I teach them about Him whether I'm in pain or not, and that they learn that He is faithful regardless of life's circumstances. I want them to learn to keep Him as their focus. I want them to know that they serve the same God who led His people out of slavery in Egypt and that He had good plans for them, plans for a land flowing with milk and honey. May I keep my focus on what truly matters!